True Story about love and depression

Hope you like it not very good at writing things....

 

The little thing called love is what you see it as.We all Believe in fairytales sometimes, but really love decides that and God decides our Deatiny.I have loved in some many in ways,but I could not seem to keep the love that I though once was love in my life.I struggles alot in my life, never knowing what next bad thing was going to happen.I was with a man 10 long years, knowing deep down inside he was cheating every chance he could.It hurt me but I had three beautiful girls by him, I never in my mind wanted to believe it was true.But I finily believed it when four people that were my friends told me he was sleeping with a girl I thought was once my friend.So like any other women would do I went after her and tryed to hurt her, not thinking that I just could finily say I'm done and walk away from it all.Well that just what I did I told my exhuband to drive me to Virgina so I could go stay with me sister.I pack all mine and my childrens belongings up and he took me there, I watch the tears fall down his face that day,But did not have a bone in my body that day that cared for what he had done.I got here to Virgina and cryed alot wondering what I did so wrong for him to do what he did to me.I watched my kids cry making hearts on the van window saying I love you daddy.That just tore me to peices..They cry so hard knowing that we were going to be so far away from there dad.But we did stay with my sister for about three weeks.Then My exhusband kept saying make sure my sister and her husband and kids had medical insurence, cause he was going to kill us all.So then I knew what I had to do,My sister said there was a shelter that was for abused women that I should think about going there...So I thought about it cause my sister thought it would be best ,so I went there.I kept geting phone calls from my exhusband, he kept talking about comming up to see the kids and me..But for two week his girlsfriend did not know cause she was locked up, we kept talking about how we were going to make love..We had phone sex so many time to many to count . while he was at home and even why he was at work and no one ever knew or found out.He kept telling me he did not know what he wanted me or his girlfriend.But when he did come up we did passionate things with each other..I had pushed up against a big rock in Goshen Va and did things to him I have never done to him before.The reason for that was to show him what he lost and would never get back.But when your deeply in love with some one never in your life lived alone, you dont know how to start all over.I had no help from my exhusband for my kids.The only ones that did was the shelter its called project horizon.They tryed to help me by see a theropist that was there.I did not know my self any more , who was I? I could not answer that.Then my daughter got so depressed to that she was beating on people and her sisters and adults that we had to put her into a hospital...When we took her there it was the sadest day of my life , cause hearing her on the phone all the time mommy I want to come home. But I knew she need help and deep down inside I did to, cause I started cutting my self and hiding it from the shelter..I told My theropist that there was something that I need to talk to her about but was scared to. Well she already knew they held me in a room down stairs and asked me to sign a paper, that I would not harm my self no more in the shelter. It only work for a short period of time and I started up all over again.My daugher after two weeks came home to be with me and her two other sisters.Then we had to find some were to move cause you have a certin time to move on your own being in the shelter.I finily found a place and Project Horizon Helped me pay the rent and security deposit and got me alittle bit of furniture.I got even more depressed,I never did this on my own ever in my life. Still there father did not care to help me wit money..But then I sent the kids down there with there father for Thanksgiving to spend some time with him, and then while with there father I put my self in the hospital to try and get rid of all the pain I was going through before the kids come home..I came home after 2 weeks and so did the kids. Then it came around christmas time I had only 2 dollors at the begining or the month and could not aford anything for my kids,I did not want them to go with out. So I called there father again and asked him can you take the kids for christmas cause I dont have the money for it, I did not want to see them go without that year..It was 2006 they went down for the holiday.I told them I wanted the kids to be returned by the first so I could at least spend new years with them ... But new years came I called and they said they did not have the money together yet I had to wait...So I spent my new years and birthday alone...Went and called them on the 8th of January asking were are my children ...My exhusband girlfriend got on the phone and said I would never see them again. That they were fileing for emergencey coustody...Me not thinking Stright I called the cops, I told them I had full coustody of the kids and was on the phone with the kids fathers girlfriend and they will not return my babys to me..So cause I did not have the coustody papers, The cops said they could not do anything..The next day I went to the court house and told them they never sent me my copy of the coustody papers and they gave them to me. I went to the sherifs office and they called him and told him to bring the kids back.My exhusband said he was filing for coustody right away and again the cop said we cant do noting, you need to find a ride to go get them..I go so depressed thinking he could file for coustody in Baltimore, That I could not stand the sight or thought of losing my children, and I overdosed on 30.000 ml. of trylipatol. I died but the hospital brought me back. I wanted to die cause my kids were my life and if I was to lose them I had nothing...But finily they took me and put me back in a mentle hospital and I had to stay there for 3 weeks. I then got out of the hospital and called my kids and then, talked to there father. I told him to send them back I would pay for them to come home..Not at that time knowing he could not file for coustody inless he came were I filed and I knew he would not come all the way up here...So he had a friend of his bring my kids up...I was so happy , But I also did not mention I found a man that I fell in love with while in the hospital and we got to know each other and he came to live with me...Then I was finily happy,I had my children and a man to love and one that loved me alot.. Never did I ever in my life have love like this.It was God he answered my prayers.To bring my kids Home and find the love of my life...Oh never again did I feel sorrow or pain. I found out like 2 months latter that I was pregnent with my boyfriends baby. I was so happy cause i would have more to love.Some times things in life can go completely wrong and we make bad decisions or mistakes, but we learn from them.I would love to tell you more about this life, But it goes way to deep.But I can tell you this! I now have a complete family that I have always dreamed of, one that touches my heart for ever.I Got married to my new husband Kristopher Sr. and had his first son Kristopher Jr. and my beautiful girls Destiny, Brittany and Alyssa..God has filled my heart with so much love and joy I could not ask for it to be any better then it is now and today.God does listen to your crys,He cant make things right,Just believe.I was still a cuttter though, But stoped doing it a while ago.So if there is anyone and I mean anyone out there that goes through a hard time.Times to were you cut your self or harm your self, or just depressed, think of what god would wnat you to do.Believe in him cause killing your self is not worth it, nore is harming your slef. You have to have faith that things in life will get better. If you speak of bad things then that what your going to get..Life is about living it , to ignore all the bad things people say and do to you.Love does come to you , you just have to wait. God might not give thing to you right away, but if you believe in him all things are possible.I do still deal with Depression and alot of other things cause my life is not perfect,But because of my faith I at least know now I have something,and thats the loving family I have in my life and arms every single day.All things are possible trust me I have went from killing my self to being me.Being who I need to be for me and my husband and children.We go trough things we sometimes cant exsplain,but know this we are being tested by God.To see if we truly believe in him and that all things are possible,and the we will follow by his words.Never give up hope on your self, cause you to can fight and win all thing that are glorifyed.You can have a peaceful life, Living it the best way you can.Its Just like addictions, no matter what addictions you have or barrers you have in you life you can get through them.We all make mistakes but we learn from them. We learn to feel at ease and you learn that there is people out there that do care about you with all there heart.They might even be people that you hardly know,But they do care and love you...I had to learn that the hard way and I would never want to see anyone else go through it.So please if you ever in your life feel your at harm for your self get help or even if its some one you know get them help.Dont wait till its to late.We have the chance to change things in this world, not only within our slefs but with others to.We are all one in this life, God created all of us,Just cause we are from different nations or different colors does not mean you cant be there to leand a helping hand.Be you and only you, not try to be perfect cause no one is, but be who your heart tells you.I have everthing I have today cause i believed that my life would change and it did.Well till next time my friends,be blessed and let God show you to your destiny.

Author's Note

true story