coldplant

i feel so guilty about that plants i let

die on the balcony after a few cold nights

it never gets cold here

and i forgot

but did i forget

i remember my mom

telling me

it was cold

but i didnt get them

and i feel so guilty

i saved them

from death

once before

they were dying

forgotten in a corner

of an apartment i was helping my grandmother move out of 

and they were dying

the soil was dry 

like powder

and full of clumps

and the roots were matted

like stray dog hair

but there were still roots

and there was one green leaf

so i took them with us

i hid them

in the back of my aunts car

and said

“those are mine”

and i took them with us

on the road

i watered them

with a water bottle from a gas station

i gave them my water and i brought them back to life

and then i killed them

because it was cold

i wish

i hadnt

theyd grown so much

they were happy

and i killed them

i killed them

because 

it was

cold

whats the point

of saving something

if you’re not going to save it forever

why keep it alive

why hope 

why hope

if you’re gonna leave it

if you’re going to leave it

when it gets cold

why

Author's Note

the tags i used (from tumblr), which i think rlly add to this poem lolol:

#why did i do that
#why did i kill them why did i kill them
#i wish they were still alive
#i wonder
#if they would have survived a long time
#i wonder if they recognized me
#i wonder if they had feelings
#i wonder if they felt the cold
#im so sorry i let you die in the cold
#and im sorry that i let you grow if i was just going to let you die anyway