Forever

Meaning is not real

Forever

By MRM

Eternity is not fun. I never had anyone there; I was alone, my existence had no purpose, no meaning. I knew everything, I could do anything. Sometimes I questioned myself. What do I want? I didn’t know. I suppose I wanted something I couldn’t give myself. I sought a relationship. So, I made life. I made billions of creatures, and I made a home for them. They worshipped me. They loved me. And yet, I didn’t have enough. I wanted a relationship that was voluntary. I desired to be chosen.

That’s “when” I made your universe. I created what you call length, width, space, time, and eighteen other dimensions that your species never discovered. I created eight trillion four hundred billion ten million eighty thousand two hundred forty-two different laws by which these new dimensions would abide by. Then, I made something that you call a “proton.” Immediately, the “emptiness” surrounding the proton caused it to expand exponentially. The stress of this expansion broke off the aforementioned eighteen dimensions from the four ones that are more familiar to you. As your universe expanded, I ensured that there would be approximately 99.04317% more “regular matter” than “antimatter.” As pure energy condensed into strings, I removed 432 strings to ensure that your universe would not be a completely uniform mass of energy and matter. Then I moved forward in time, you call that “waiting.” Around 2.4287 trillion galaxies had formed in your universe which at that point in time was around 91.7837 billion light years in size. Each one had a varying range of stars of which each one had a varying range of planets. Some planets had developed sentient life. I personally selected sufficient amounts of each sentient species to provide them a chance to procreate. I placed these beings in a place that was designed to be appealing to them in every possible psychological way. “Eden,” you called it. Then, I sent one of the others, whom you now call Satan, to test each group of creatures. They all passed the test, except two. You know those two as Adam and Eve. I, through means that you even now could not understand, permitted them to have free will, but when they failed, I already had a plan for your species.

First, I made a place called “Heaven.” It was a more tangible manifestation of the eternity that I have experienced for the entirety of my lifespan. Somewhere where the organisms from your universe would be able to commune with me. Then I made another place with similar characteristics. Hell. I’m sure you know what that is. I then cast out a third of the others, including whom you call Satan, from Heaven. I gave him substantial power over Humanity as well. Then I entered your three other dimensions, and I saw Adam and Eve. They were scared but, in an unmistakably human manner, they tried to escape the blame for what they did. I laid out my plan, gave a symbolic punishment to Satan, and immediately sent them to a fertile patch of land in central Mesopotamia. They continued revering me, and so did their sons. They praised me and worshipped me and offered me sacrifices. Then one of their sons killed the other. He was banished from that region of central Mesopotamia and went to wander the earth amongst the other Humans.

Time passed, eventually some of them wanted to build a tower to reach heaven and be as great as me. It was about seven meters tall. I caused a storm, and their clan spread. At that point most other peoples had already spread over Earth and already had many different languages. More time passed and people were not pleasing to me. They had murdered the other humans soon after they left Mesopotamia but now, they also enslaved others and did what you would call “genocide.” So, I killed some of them who committed those acts in Mesopotamia. The Tigris and Euphrates rivers saw an incredible amount of flooding. Many river-side villages were decimated. One man, Noah, and his family were told about the incoming flood and were told to build a boat. Accounts of it were greatly exaggerated, in fact, it was more of a big raft. The only accurate part of the story was that I raised the ramp of the raft behind Noah, not because of symbolism or whatever but simply because he had forgotten. Regardless, they managed to survive the flood unscathed. Some time later I decided that I’d start my plan with a man called Abraham. You know what happened next.

 When the Israelites returned to Caanan, I commanded them to genocide all the other Canaanites. They failed to do so but they were obedient mostly. They committed many of the same crimes I had killed some people over but I didn’t want to start over, so I not only permitted but commanded them to do so. Then more stuff happened, there were some petty wars, leadership disputes, et cetera. I interfered from time to time but really I didn’t have much to do. Eventually, the time for the second phase of my plan came. I sent my “son,” Jesus to Earth. Some Humans killed Him. He went to Hell for a weekend and then returned. Many people ask me why I did this. I just liked the idea of having to sacrifice something for a relationship, I thought it gave it more weight. Of course, I knew that by far most of you didn’t know me or care about me or want to have a relationship with me more than wanting to not go to Hell but that was fine, I didn’t mind. I then sent the Holy Spirit to help the Christians, not that they ever accepted His help. Some of you compiled some teachings of Jesus and letters and whatnot and said that your edits and interpretations were inspired by me. Of course, by then most of those teachings were incredibly diluted and you had completely missed the point of most of them, but I let you do it. More time passed, Christianity quickly became more dominant as nations rose and fell. At some point, I sent one of the others to give a slightly different version of what happened to a Human to see if the results would be different. They weren’t.

More time passed, Christians moved very far from Jesus’ teachings and continued to uphold some of the commands in the Old Testament. Many people died because of that but it didn’t matter. I waited longer. Soon your society was a bit more advanced than before. You started learning more about the universe. This caused many of you to lose belief in me because my analogies in the Bible were not meant for people who actually understood how the universe worked so of course, many thought they were inaccurate. I can’t say that I blame them; regardless, the Bible was already very far from my original words.

I didn’t really interfere at all with Humanity for a few hundred years after that. Maybe I’d do a thing or two at times but mostly I just ignored humanity. Other species were also making progress. They were already living lives of bliss in their versions of paradise so I guess that there wasn’t much progress to be made but they learnt more and improved their worlds. They didn’t have too much free will though, so I tested many of them again. They all continued to pass the test. I continued waiting and the next time I looked at humanity; your population had grown significantly. So had your technology. You didn’t use it well though. Your obsession with war worried me. But it didn’t matter. Soon after you were in the process of destroying your species in a nuclear war. I decided that it was a good time for Jesus to return then. When He arrived on Earth, surprisingly, not many cared. They were too worried inside their bunkers trying to survive the war. Those who saw Him tried to shoot His and His army down. I destroyed all their armament to ensure a peaceful discussion. They all came to realize who Jesus was and quickly rectified their ways. Then, I sent the ones that wanted a relationship with me to Heaven and the others to Hell. I sent all the other species to Heaven and then destroyed your universe.

To a human, it would’ve taken billions of years to travel the span of time in which this happened. To me, it was completely effortless. I soon got bored of you worshipping me. I was still unfulfilled. I still wanted more. You had lost most of your free will upon coming to heaven so your worship felt forced, I didn’t like that. Your minds, obviously, were extensively altered to allow you to experience existence outside your four dimensions so I guess you weren’t even you anymore. All of that for nothing. I wanted to start over but I promised that you’d be fine. So, I left you there. You know, I always said that I could do everything, that I’m omnipotent. That’s not true, I can’t delete myself. I “never” had thought that it would be a problem but by then I guess it was. But nonetheless I couldn’t be anything less than I was, existing. I liked the concept of time. It gave your life bounds, a beginning, and an end. I guess I’ve always wanted that. You had so much on Earth and yet you didn’t appreciate it. I was the one who was trapped all this time, not you. So, I’m giving you a choice, you can be deleted, stay in Hell, or go to Heaven.

“Kill me.”

I heard those words billions of times more. Some of them decided to go to Heaven. Others wanted to stay in Hell. There wasn’t too much difference between the two. There wasn’t much more I could do. Those who were in Heaven were experiencing eternal bliss but the second that I unplugged them they felt, sadness. Sadness isn’t a sin so despite all the promises of Heaven it was not disallowed there. I let them remain plugged in, as an act of mercy, that’s what I told myself at least. I, “then,” decided I wanted to do something different. Surprisingly, on Earth most Humans had found meaning without actually having a relationship with me or even believing in me. I made them in my image but in a way, I wished I were more like them. I didn’t much care about them, to be honest, I couldn’t. I was omnipotent and omniscient. I knew the arrangement of every quark inside their bodies. I understood them better than they understood themselves. They were nothing to me and to them I was incomprehensible.

I decided that I would try something new. I made a new universe, exactly with the same parameters as the last one. This time though, I wouldn’t interfere. Surprisingly, things weren’t too different. Humans still came to believe in me, or at least their version of me. They still waged wars in my name. Still enslaved and murdered millions in my name. The initial parameters of the universe made it so Humans had religion as a preset so to speak; their minds were coded to make religions to explain what they were simply too unintelligent to understand. I never really gave them that much free will in the first place. Something changed after their war though. This time Jesus didn’t come to stop it. They didn’t die though, they survived. They killed themselves with another war fifty years later though. The last remaining Human was in the little Human space station. After its orbit had decayed he boarded a capsule and left. The heat shield of the capsule was damaged, he would not survive reentry. He knew that. I appeared to him then. Our conversation went something like this:

I am the Lord your God, King of Kings, and Lord of Lods.

He thought he was hallucinating, I assured him he was not. “What do you want,” he said stuttering through his words, still disbelieving his senses. “Who are you,” he added.

 You learned about me in school. I am Yahweh.

“Am I going to… Hell?” he asked, just becoming aware of the implications of my existence.

No.

“Am I going to Hev- Heaven then?”

No.

Silence.

He took a small box and tied it to the surface of the capsule, his hands trembling. Then he put on a spacesuit.

He looked at me again, his mind racing to remember his elementary school mythology class, “I-I-I ask for forgiveness for my… sins and than-thank you for… Jo-Josh’s sacrifice.”

“No-no I-I don’t have to do that. You’re not real. You’re a figment of our-my imagination. We created you because we were afraid of death, unaware that living forever would be worse.”

Why exactly would that be? Wouldn’t you want to be happy with your family and friends forever?

“I already was. Things aren’t meaningless because they end. We Humans can find happiness in the finite despite the fact that it’s meaningless. We don’t need you anymore. And yes, humanity is gone now, but the end is part of the story.”

I looked at him, nearly smiling, can I ask you one thing?

He scoffed, “the omniscient God, asking questions?”

Why haven’t you committed suicide before, if in the end you know there’s no point in any of this?

“Frankly, I was afraid, but this universe is worth existing in, despite all the pain and suffering. You- you are the personification of everything going against that. You are all our existential dread condensed. So, from humanity to you, farewell.”

Without saying a single word more, he put on his helmet and went to the hatch of the capsule. He opened it. Immediately the air inside rushed out into the vacuum of space. He held on to a handle outside the capsule and waited for all the air to leave. He took a glance at the box, with its priceless contents, that was still firmly tied to the capsule. Then, he himself closed the hatch. He pushed himself off the capsule and into the empty void of space. In that moment, as Adam, for that was his name, ventured into his final resting place amongst the stars, for the first time, I felt proud of my creation.

 I decided what I had to do. I returned to my own personal Hell, Heaven. I discharged all the others from their service and permitted them to delete themselves if they so desired. I unplugged all the beings and told them what would happen; none of them complained. “Then,” I created billions of universes more. I made sure to create yet another universe where Humanity and the other species would appear and send all of them there. Then, as my final act as God, I created a hill and a boulder. I was happy.

Author's Note

Please review! Voice expecially.

Reviews

[Rose]

I think this is a wonderful piece of writing. It makes sense.