4: Are things coming together?

never expected only when i met you because you said nothing's wrong with it shouldn't have trusted you on that

My past was escaping the doors i had locked it in. I haven't really understood why, but it had just kept popping into my mind more and more lately.
My first response to that was i was going to start my period, but it's been weeks and i haven't gotten it, yet. So that's not it. Because i still feel horrible. Like I've fell in a whole.
Like i need to put myself in a whole. I guess.

We had P.E. now, and my "friend" Nani, had went up to the office because she had claimed someone had sexual harassed her. I sat alone in the back of the room with me legs up to my chin, holding them tightly to me. I sighed, and released them, spreading my legs out on the floor and tilting my head back to close my eyes.
"What happened to Nani??" Russell asked me, kicking me lightly on the thigh. It had been the first thing he had said to me in so long. 
"Don't trip." I said, closing my eyes, again.
"Tell Me!" he yelled. I opened my eyes and looked into his. It was the first time i could actually see into his. See his feelings, for me? I knew if you looked closely you could see the emotions inside me very clearly.
"Oh..." I paused." I understand now.." I understood now.. why he always argued and why he always said he didn't like me.. he wasn't trying to lead me on.. I lead myself on.
The bell rang and i walked off. Not expecting him to follow me, but still hoping he would. Even if it would effect me in a bad way even more.

The days after he last talked to me, i had stayed as far away from him as possible, as he was,too. my mind clustered, and i couldn't understand why. I could not understand how i could like someone who never showed any attraction towards me. I was just attracted to people like that. Which i realized was fucked up and horrible.

It was P.E. and i sat in the bleachers with a couple of girls who liked my company.
Oblivious did i see Russell coming towards me.
"Can you hold this for me?" He said, holding his hat out to me. I looked into his eyes, trying to understand why me.
"Why me?" I blurted, knowing my thoughts had entered reality. He backed up a bit, not expecting what i had said.
".. Please?" He asked again. I sighed, how could this hurt me?
I shivered.
He sat next to me.
It was all so sudden.
One moment he was siting next to me, the next he was putting his jacket over my head. I stood there. Motionless. He pulled my arms through his sleeves and put his hat on my head.
"Thanks." He smiled and rand down the bleachers to begin playing basketball.
A swarm of girls attacked me like wasps, waiting for me to talk so they could gossip about so much.
After class, since it was a new term and P.e. was now our last class, i stayed in the bleachers waiting for him to approach me once again.
"Thanks." he said, sitting next to me.
"mhmm... Here's your jacket back, then.." I said, beginning to take it off. Then he stopped me, holding my arm down. I stared at him.
Who was this guy?
"It's Raining outside." he told me. I nodded. "Yeah, that's why I'm giving you back your jacket."
He shook his head. "You have to wait for a ride, I'm going straight home. So just wear it"
"You're going to get sick." I said blankly. "Well.. I'm too hot to wear a jacket right now anyways, it'll just weigh me down.." He smiled, standing up and pulling me up with him.
I nodded and thanked him.

That night he texted me, and i secretly wore his jacket to sleep. The smell of him around me taking me whole room up.
out texting was normal conversations now. and frequent.

"Now you know what my night time voice sounds like.." He said. I smiled, laying in bed with my phone lying ontop of my head.
"You sound practically the same.. just more tired." I laughed.

you: can i tell you something?
Me: What?
You: When i first saw you, the first day of class... i thought you were the cutest thing ever.
Me: LOOOL. whatever.

"Can i ask you something?" He asked, it was 11:58 p.m.
"hmm?"
"What would you say if i asked you out?" He asked.
My words were gone from my mouth...
"I'm.. i'm not asking you out.. I'm just asking..." He stuttered.Like you could see him blushing from the phone
" I don't know."
"Oh... Okay."
"Weirdo." I paused.
"Can i ask you something?"
"Again??"
"Nevermind... Just kidding.
It was 12:00 midnight.
"Will you be my girlfriend, Lei?" He finally blurted out.
"Oh my gosh... i shouldn't have said that.. i just couldn't hold it in anymore.." He was yelling at himself.
"Russ!! Russ! Just shut up!" I laughed. Blushing more than ever.
"Sorry..." he sighed.
"Yes, Russell." I finally answered.
There was a long pause. I wanted to know what he was doing at that moment, if he was dancing,  or smiling, if he put me on mute to scream, or if he just smiled and was chill about it.
"Okay.. well keep it on the down low, though. I want to ask you again in person tomorrow."

And he did. And that's the beginning of our story.

Author's Note

not the end you guys, i promise it gets better. Just stick with me. this is packed with weird shit to come. hahaha