Your reason why

This is my story, what has recently happened

It was a year that we lasted,
it's not that long.
That ring you gave me,
I treasured strong.
Then s**t when by,
and more s**t had passed.
It seemed the more i cried,
the less we'd last.
We're a light switch,
always on and off.
Then You said " Go die, b***h"
And then it didn't stop.
The abuse and the threats
turned to hate and distance.
Ring forcefully took
when i was pushed to the floor.
The more my shoulders shook,
the less you were adored.
"Lights, Camera, Action!"
Yes, you have it on tape,
my thighs cherry red
And then i was replaced,
by a new pretty girl
reminded me of myself,
The i was unfurled
and i to kill myself,
But i didn't do,
said it'd cause more problems
but only for you,
just wanted me to solve them.
And then there was today,
after weeks of silence,
you threw my ring away
at my face.
goodbye, then.

Author's Note

Sorry for any mistakes, i too, don't think this one flowed that great b/c i got off beat but yeaah.. review please. (=

Reviews

[-Scribe in Style-]

It is a good effort, you started great and then the flow lost itself, unless this is part of the meaning you are trying to express - by the end it is really confusing as who is who.
The flow comes back mid-way and then again it disappears.

I feel the words! So an overall success...

[StarSandwich]

I think i get the gist of this, kind of got a bit confused. But i did flow from the start then lost a little course later on :) Loved the "Lights, camera, action" clearly got me more into it. Your a good Writer xD

First 6lines Pure Awesomeness.

[TJ]

this one did have some minor errors and lost it's rhythm SLIGHTLY at the end but i think this was a wonderful piece! It told a straightforward story that so many young women can relate to, being used and abused by a guy until he moves on to the next. I could FEEL the emotion coming off your righting, her joy in the beginning, then anger, then pain, then depression! this was awesome! and you said you weren't a good writer...LIAR lol keep it up it's awesome

[Kestrova]

You may not think it flowed great, but it didn't need to. This was a biting read, because of the pain behind it, and my heart goes out to you if this is true.

"We're a light switch, always on and off. "

I really liked that line, and the meaning behind it. A great poem, despite the possible anguish. You're quite the poet!

[Angel]

I can feel your pain here. The descriptions make my heart hurt and the way you don’t hold back the thoughts in your head really bring the emotions of this piece forward. This is something a lot of people don’t want to think about – violence, but we must remember that it is in this world. If you have really gone through this pain, then I am sorry for your suffering (but look what art it brought forward!) and if you haven’t, the I applaud you on having such insightful language. The only thing I would change would be the spacing, it can really help the reader or the writer find a good rhythm.