Love

I want him more than i want to breathe

I need him to be complete

Without him I am imperfect

Without him I am just skin and bones

With him I am a whole

I am a human

I have a soul

Without him nothing is right

With him i am happy

When he is near nothing could go wrong

 

Reviews

[Kris]

Very nice. I am able to see the emotion in your work.

However, I not sure about this, so correct me if I misunderstood, but in the first line, I think you meant 'than i want to breathe'. 'Then' is a time-based word, 'than' is a comparison word. When you say 'then' that means you are going to the following words after the first part. When you use the word 'than', it means you would prefer that to the other action. And the word 'breathe' is the verb, 'breath' is the noun. I also believe you don't need 'a' in your 5th line: 'with him i am whole'.

If you wrote it this way intentionally (for any type of meaning) this is fine, but be aware of capitalization, commas, periods, and other grammar tools.

I apologize if I am unclear or if I appear to be harsh. I am bit uptight at times. Anyways, I did love this writing. Please keep it up! I'll be looking forward to more! :)

[♥ Kinnixk]

Awesome! Lots of emotion in this. Great job.

[afra]

awesome ...keep it up

[Xerclipse]

this is very beautiful. That is how strong love can be. We do need our perfect guy or girl! but it can get too far by being a bit dark about love.

[judith106]

This is good..A good description of being in love but with an underlying darkness to it. I have liked everything I've read of yours and feel like an amature in comparision. The only thing that stood out to me is the 4 I's If you took one or two out I think it may flow better. Like in the first line if you took out the I and started the sentence with Wanting. Or the 2nd starting with Needing. You are a talent girl...

[RachelReaper]

Very good! There are so many heartbreak poems that I like it when I see one legitimately about being in love rather than being depressed about falling out of it.

[Remyyy]

good job! but a litle repetitive with the " i would kill for him," unless its an ongoing theme in your poem

[writingurl14]

it is a minor theme

[Harley (arbiter)]

Lot of emotion in it. Great write. Captures the feeling of being in love. Awesome job.

[writingurl14]

thanks

[Harley (arbiter)]

Welcomed. Thank you for the good read

[Wolf]

Very beautiful poem!
It's the feeling we get when we fall in love with a person. The feeling of true love :)
Very nice! I love it :)
Keep up the good work, Rachel! :)