Hush baby Hush

This is just some of the challenges in relationships. too much talk and somtimes less actions. pls review my poems guys.

Hush baby, hush

Hush to the all the rush

To the disgruntled wakes, and the hustle of very busy days.

You’re missing out on all the pearls while,

Hurriedly gathering the ordinary stones of life.

 Hush baby, hush

Hush to the voice of insecurity

To all the if’s and but’s, and trying to see what’s not there

We all have flaws, but then; remember

I chose you, you chose me, and we chose us.

Hush baby, hush

Hush to the art of drawing conclusions ‘cuz

no one can read minds; it’s always safer to ask.

To assumptions, that bring enough dissatisfaction, to

Take you farther from the perfection you seek.

Hush baby, hush

Hush to the voice of your ego, and try not to feed it

In the diet of humility, apologies go with anything

‘Sorry’ doesn’t necessarily cover it all, but it cuts through

It proves that actions speak louder than words.

Hush baby,

So, and you’ll see how it takes two

We painting a picture of you and I

That time, space or persons cannot mar

Hush baby, and grab your painting brush!

Reviews

[DaughterNature]

I think there's some potential in this piece, but it will definitely need reworking. I see where you were trying to go with this, but I just feel like it didn't make it from your head to the "paper."

For instance, the repeated line of "Hush baby, hush" can have a lot of power because of the repetition, but I don't feel the power or impact of the stanzas increasing with each repetition - try rearranging the stanzas, or thinking more about escalating the action. I also think that you could use stronger words and images - right now, this reads like so many other poems about relationships - use your own images to make this special, to make it stand out. The line that does this the best, the line that's sticking with me, is "Hush baby, and grab your painting brush!" Make the rest of the poem more unique, like that line.

Cheers!

[Bibie]

Thank you so much. i'll do some reworking.