Identity Crisis

Program Assignment: Write about a personal issue.

Blasting myself onto this paper 
to see myself. Who are you, but more importantly, 
who am I? I never knew, never did, 
not even when I was a little kid.

Never wondered, and never bothered
when I was younger, I was another
boy, just playing with toys
And now a young man filled with worry

The past seems buried
And I'm trapped alive with it
Stuck inside this pit
Trying to go and get out

Childhood develops fears
make me want to get out of here
Got to figure them out
to be able to fix my life

How am I supposed to get married,
have kids and a wife?
How am I supposed to tell my kids to be themselves
when I don't even know who I am?

Half of me is darkness, and the other is a shadow
the unknown, never known, and I don't know where
to go anymore, I'm nailed to the floor
And I'm shivering to my core

My tears are falling to the ground
but then I hear no sound
That's cause my face is completely dry,
there's no tears in my eyes

Am I without soul? Am I without whole?
Is everything I done worth it?
Does it have purpose?
I don't got a clue

Don't know what to do,
don't know where to go
The one thing I do know
is I got to find the center

The core that started my nightmares
that gave fears, that lay here
I want to wake up and just off
the last few agonizing years

Why do I got this name?
Why was I born with this brain?
Am I one, the other, or one and the same?
It seems like my life is a game I'll never win

I've lost again and again
and I got to find the end
A way to get out of this tunnel
and being anew

As someone I know and knew,
but never did, even when I was kid
I want to see in my mind a confident, independent young man
and be so proud to say, "That's just who I am."

-Jerisson DeLaCruz "Poetic Assassin" 3-30-10