chapter ONE

"I hear you're together with someone now," I smiled as we talked. I picked up my cup as I waited for his response.  It was obvious, pretty obvious I was nervous. It had probably been a year and a half now. Everything was already said and done before and today was supposed to be just the new setting to something different.

 

"She's  a composer. Erica Verasalle," he said it with that smile I knew that ment something. I used to see it all the time before. It was when I wore dresses to our dates, gave him a sweet kiss and tell him I was sorry. It was a nice smile I remember. It was a nice smile I still kept in mind.

 

"Wow, that's nice. How is she?" I pretended to be intrested. Deep inside I frankly knew I wasn’t. Every single thought of it wasn’t so nice in my head. Indeed I was jealous.

 

"She's really kind, comes from a nice family and we're going on very well," he was proud of it. I sensed it like the time he first told his friends about me. He said I was the best at what I did. I was a phenomenon on the making and that he was very lucky and proud to have me. I felt so wonderful that time. It seemed I was already achieving something, hearing it. He was good at making me feel good.

 

"That's great. I'm happy for you. What about you? You still work for Ace?" I asked. He was a great artist. He could make you a memorable ad in ten minutes or so. He was a fast and conceptualized thinker. He only wanted things done greatly. Nothing less. He perfected craft like a ball game. Always a new idea and a new thing, just like how he was now.

 

"I quit there, probably a year ago. Markers offered me somethin' better. It's really great there," he said. It was half a lie, I could sense. I knew him well enough and I knew there was something of a twist to it. I just kept the conversation going.

 

"Oh, good for you," I ran out of words. I ran out of questions like the first time we dated. It was cold night of January and I was a fresh college graduate, exploring on the working world.

 

'Nice night huh,' I said as we sat by a table near the balcony of a restaurant. He took me to one of those fancy french places in New York. He said it was a nice spot for new nspiration.

 

'You look nice,' he said it with that smile. I was in a good pair of corporate pants and a shirt. I did not care much of what I looked. It was an unexpected date night for me. I got out from work and he was waiting outside. Didn't even have time for make- up that evening.

 

'Thanks, I didn’t know you were outside so, yeah, this is my work look,' I laughed while stating to this handsome guy I was a nerd.

 

'Sorry about not calling. I thought you might probably say no if I called ahead so..,' he smiled and then laughed. It was quite flattering a guy like him liked me. It was nice he noticed me.

 

'I could have done that,' I joked. He was quite pushy for my first perception. I sensed he wasn't the type that would take no for an answer.

 

"So, you with someone now?" he looked serious but still smiling.

 

I paused for a while. Was I gonna lie or tell him something else. In anyway I was thinking of lying, but why?

 

"No," I took back the thought of lying. I was sensing  I would be in greater trouble if I really did it.

 

"You're dating someone?" he further asked,

 

"Still no," I smiled. In a way I was kind of reassuring him I was okay despite my no's.

 

"Im sorry of everything," he looked me in the eye this time. I felt it again, just like the last time he told me that.

 

'We can't go on like this anymore Anna' he said it like a burst that's been kept for so long. It was something I had felt coming before. It was the fall I was very much afraid of from the beginning.

 

'Why?' I stated a question I already had answers of. If it wasn’t that mean to say everything in his mid, he could have told me straight to the face I was dumb.

 

I laughed from that silly apology he made. It was useless not to mention pointless. "What are you talking about? Im happy," I pushed myself to smile like hell. It was painfully good. To hopefully end what has long ended and finally move.

 

"I just wanna apologize for us before. We're alright, right?" he asked.

 

"We're cool. Com'on, you have your life, I have mine," I smiled endlessly. I bet I was already looking a bit stupid with my constant smiling. My jaws were about to crack by it.

 

"Im glad you're going on well. Congratulations on that cover story you did last month. I grabbed a copy of your issue and your article was great," he said. I hope he wasn’t lying when he said he read it. He wasn’t fond of words so much. He saw life through pictures and such, I saw it like a book, constantly written, done so uniquely in every page, told different tales but seldom read.

 

"Thanks, Im glad you liked it," oh, we were so faked out with our conversations. We never talked so silently before. This was like everything was so thought out  and we knew this was awkward. We both knew we were pretending things. Pretending to be okay when we knew deep inside we wer'nt.

 

I stood up. Unexpectedly I did. I was even surprised I did it. In anyway I was only left with telling him I had to leave or face the consequence on telling him why I just stood up. I stuck with leaving.

 

"I must go, Im sorry, I need to be somewhere else," I smiled and got my bag.

 

"Where are you heading? I'll take you there, Im seeing Erica this afternoon anyways," he stood up and offered me a ride.

 

"Oh, don’t bother. Its far," I was running out of lies ' Why of all days,'  I said to myself. I started to move away from our table to get out.

 

"Need a cab then?" he asked.

 

"Im alright, I better go now, thanks for the coffee,"  I smiled and finally walked away. It was like a deep relief inside me. I paced away so fast I almost bumped with the waiter heading my way. It was nerve wrecking for the first time after so long. Why did I even come here in the first place anyway.' Stupid old Anna, hoping he's gonna say sorry and get back with you. Double stupid for that,'. Walk. Just walk Anna.

 

Author's Note

please don't hesitate to tell me anything.