So often

So often I fear being alone. So often I isolate myself. So often I run. So often I drift. So often I am stuck in one spot. So often I cannot get out. So often I am weeping. Screaming. Pleading. Beating. So often I forget that I am alive without the. Beating. So often I hurt myself with the. Beating. So often I torture myself with the. Pleading. So often I am floating. So often I want to stop. So often I want to keep going. So often I kill myself with the. Weeping. So often I am left helpless without the. Screaming.  

And here I am. So often.