Grey Dust

I don't know what made me write this.

I write in the pain of people's negligence,
I take their tiny pieces of hurt in,

And when will I get peace,
Why should I always retrieve?

Sit down and waste all the love I have...

I write in the blue ashes of my soul,

My tears are flowing like morning's dwell;

And when will I get peace,
Why should I always retrieve?

Cry all the time and forgive you to another chance,

I write in the torn parts of my body's broken trash,
Is this what I get? For all the years I've spent with you,
Is this the result of being true to you?
Will you ever regret one day; if we wont be together for the coming years?

 

And when will I get peace,
Why should I retrieve?

I pray all the time and light a candle of hope within my eyes,

And I cry,
For all the soldiers of my heart,
(they have died)
I exhale,
All the words of hatred you say,
(they have died)
I trust,
All fake sentences of your love,
(they have died)
I choke,
I am willing to kill myself to bleed all of this, if, your love is a JOKE;
(they have died)
I write into the air to show my love to no one,
I stray....
(I have died)
 

Reviews

[deeps]

This is a very powerful write here
Like it.

[LJW]

I see you have added one of my pieces to your reading list. I am unsure how to do this, as I am new here and still finding my way around. :-)

I usually loathe poems about love and pain. It is difficult to write in this way without sounding cliche or overwraught.

You pulled it off. The pain was palpable, with an underlying current of anger. You spoke of writing to ease this pain, yet I wonder if it will ever work that way. I know for me, the pain returns and is purged only momentarily while I write.

I appreciate writers who mix up line lengths, stanza lengths, use parentheses to highlight asides.

All in all, a wonderful piece of writing.

(I did notice one small typo? There is a "you're " _love is a joke_ that should be "your")

[Jemma]

Thsi is a very emotional piece of writing.
You showed a great deal in your words.
And with everytime you said "(they have died)" I felt it.
And your final line "(I have died)" really was heart wrenching.
Beautiful write.
Insperational.

[misha]

i liked this piece mostly because i can tell it has u in it your feelings an i think being able to see the writer in the poem makes it a great poem keep it up

[TeenRomance]

Well, whatever made you write this was a good inspiration. I really enjoyed it. The first few lines are my fave.

[Fairy Tales]

very sad. but a nice poem

[Melissa Kesead]

Wow, this is full of feeling and heartbreak.

Let me point out a couple things though. The sentence (For all the years I've spend with you,) I think it should be spent. And the sentence (I write on the air to show my love to noone,) I think it should be no one.
There are a few other items but I'll let you find those. I gather from some other comments that you are just learning English, and if that's the fact I think you're doing marvelously!

[Joel Alvarado]

Ayesha, this was very impressive. This is a very emotional, painful piece. The character sounds like they have poured their heart and soul into someone only for that someone to waste or abuse it. The verses are very thought provoking as well and offer alittle insight into the character's view of things. Very, very well penned.

[barricade]

Wow! so powerful! so emotional! deeply moving! heart wrenching piece indeed....
loved the way you've put this together...seems so effortless...

"I pray all the time and light a candle of hope within my eyes,

And I cry,
For all the soldiers of my heart,
(they have died)
I exhale,
All the words of hatred you say,
(they have died)
I trust,
All fake sentences of your love,
(they have died)
I choke,
I am willing to kill myself to bleed all this, if, you're love is a JOKE;
(they have died)
I write on the air to show my love to noone,
I stray.....
(I have died)"

commendable! very well written...

great write...keep it up!

regards
barricade...