16 words

It's not from personal experience but I guess most of you can relate it.

  

Today I take silent steps to home,

I smile that I am 16 years grown,

                       

But I don't feel vivacious like sweet 16 girls,

I am crying because I feel rather languorous,

 

I am standing infront of your tombstone,

I want to tell that I have turned 16 years old,

 

Deep inside the underground world,

I feel you waving and say I already know,

 

Can I please feel those 16 words I want to say?

To make them realise I have gotten mature before age,

 

I want to be free now and bury my rages,

Wear my ownself and burn this camouflage,

 

I try to savour each word you say,

I choke on the air and wish to explain,

 

You think our entanglement is strong,

But you are perfectly wrong,

I have 16 words to say to you,

But the question is how?

 

Would you understand me that I am even solitude?

Would you stop calling your own blood used?

Would you mind if I say those 16 words to you?

Would you not beat me again for my own virtuoso?

Reviews

[Orlando Murcia]

Very expressing
like you are telling everybody
just to figure you out and see
if they know you at all

Great write!!

Orlando M

[Jemma]

For not having experianced this you did write it very well.
Another emotional piece.
Great write.

[black_rose_obsession]

I closed my eyes and watched it play in my mind like a movie when i was done reading it.That's an amazing talent you have, to make other people see the things you write

[Melissa Kesead]

I think it is beautiful but there are some things I would point out. This line:

( I am standing infront of your tombstone) there should be a space between in and front

Also, I think you might want to determine whether you want this to rhyme or not. Some lines do, some don't and that is a little confusing, or could be to some.

[TeenRomance]

I think it's beautiful. Even though it's not from personal experience, you've really captivated the feeling of the situation.

[Joel Alvarado]

This is very interesting work. Deep, detailed, emotional and mysterious. Your writing has greatly improve, Ayesha. I'm very impressed. Continue to improve your skills and you will find the minor mistakes that are in this piece. I won't point them out because I know you are still mastering English. Wonderful job, and welcome to writerscafe!