You.

The land of women is a dangerous place to walk

Use with discretion, it's prone to shock

But every single day, you get closer than a close friend

I really hope it's just pretend

I cut the sleeves on my shirt

Maybe my heart is immune to hurt

Somehow your smile melts my walls of stone

You've got me checking my phone

Living life on a short fuse

Can't afford to slip up because old memories bruise

Cautiously optimistic for a dimly lit future

It's a funny thing falling for the 'moocher'

Completely sober but I wake up hung-over

Times like these, I could use a four-leaf clover

I can't run away because my thoughts make me trip

Feels like I'm stuck on a sinking ship

Losing my mind, I don't know what to do

I can't stop thinking about you

I can't sleep at night

Something's missing and it's not right

Author's Note

not finished yet. opinions? comments?

Reviews

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

You got my undivided attention from these first four wickedly well placed and crafted lines . . . .


The land of women is a dangerous place to walk

Use with discretion, it's prone to shock

But every single day, you get closer than a close friend

I really hope it's just pretend



and held it through the entire walk through such a wonderfully dangerous land~

[OT]

haha how did I guess Seleney would beat me here - with those first 4 lines lol! and what opening lines they are! women are a discretionary subject lol approach with caution haha - I like it! a few tiny punctuation bits but nothing that detracts from the read - you got a good rhyme going on - nice images - story basis! great stuff!

[ImagineItAll]

Keep going....especially if you say it is not finished yet. You have peaked my interest and you need to keep writing and going with it!

[Courtney Thomas]

Wow wow wow wow wow!!!

[Chris Smith Welshpoetcs]

I like it, definitely one that makes the mind think.

[Legacy]

Alexandru,

I had to come back here and ponder a bit more...

Have you considered a quick edit and submit to Love contest in Poetic Infusion Society...

Consider it, I really like this poem... there is no reason to "finish this poem" it is complete.

Have a great day,

Legacy

[Legacy]

Alexandru,

To meet with perfection in our own mind... our writing never does, if we place it out there as a "finished piece" most would give you the "masterpiece" scenerio.

Writing in parallel to relationships... we, must tread softly with telling the outsider every detail and allow them to believe our relationship is perfect.

Indeed the words end abruptly and you long for more... yet is not this so with man and woman?

As for a few typos... those are an easy fix, the other reviewers have pointed those out somewhat so there is not a need for me to go into it.

Have a great day,

Legacy

[Valentine]

Is the poem unfinished or the heart felt drawing you to this person that you are finding so hard to resist..I always ran from someone that hurt me..never looked back..Maybe I should have tried harder??? Valentine

[Coyote Poetry]

Woman make us want to live and died. Sometime in the same minute. I like the logic of this poem.
"The land of women is a dangerous place to walk
Use with discretion, it's prone to shock"
I enjoyed the complete poem. Made me smile this early morning with your strong and direct poetry. A excellent poem.
Coyote