The Man Who Never Was

 

The Man Who Never Was

 

I sit now and think of you as you were. Not what you have become, but what I knew you as before all of this mess. The one who comforted me. The one who showed me that it was ok to be alive. I no longer had to watch everyone else live life to the fullest. I was a part of the story. All because of you. Because of the person you were. The person that I can see deep within you now. Not plainly as before, but there are still glimmers of you left. It gives me solace to know that maybe I didn’t destroy you. I just covered you over for a while. But eventually you will come back again. To be the man that you once were. If not for me, then for someone else. Lucky them I say. What a blessed and honored person to share a life with you. To know what it is like to feel the most passionate kiss ever to become between two people.   To know what it feels like for someone to pour themselves into you. Maybe I couldn’t handle it. Maybe I don’t deserve to be loved like that. No, not me.  Not that way. Not now anyway. I wasn’t ready for the intensity. I thought that I could be. But I wasn’t. Is it possibility that I ran? Like I have with every other thing in my life. Ran from uncertainty. Ran from closeness. Ran to someone else. Someone safer. A new comfort. A new blanket. But then I found out that everyone has that part of them that can cut to the depths of the soul and leave scars that can’t be taken back. The ones you love the most cut the deepest. The ones you trust, hurt you and they can’t take it back. I forgive you. I always do. But I don’t trust you. I don’t trust that you wouldn’t hurt me again. I don’t trust that you would remain steadfast. Was it a test. Not intentional, but maybe. And you failed. Failed as a friend, failed as my love, failed me like everyone else. Like every other man in my life has failed. It isn’t your fault. Each of us has our own breaking point. Apparently I found yours. I hold myself responsible. And I go on today remembering the man who came from the darkness and showed me the way out. The one who rescued me. Who said that I was their lighthouse, but didn’t realize that it was just the opposite. I stand a better person for having known you. And a new person, ready for the world. I remember you as a dream. As the man I loved. Yesterday…..Today…..Forever.

Reviews

[MagicHearted Knight]

Absolutly amazing. The way the emotions creep down the page. I am truly impressed. As always, you never cease to amaze. Great flow, beautiful heart felt and raw emotion, a masterpiece of poetry that is a window into the human condition. The cadence of the piece reminds me a great deal of the early works of Thoreau. The simply yet honest emotion you project in this is captivating. The imagery you convey within takes hold of the reader and leads them with you on a journey of self awareness. This is very heart felt and cathartic. Your emotion is so very evident throughout the piece.

[Christine]

This was bloody BRILLIANT!!! An absolutely amazing write! I know this is so selfish of me but, I am sooooo glad to know that others have felt this exact way, thank you so much for writing this! It is inspirational. I loved the feelings etched into each sentence. "I remember you as a dream. As the man I loved. Yesterday�..Today�..Forever." Great ending!

[Sara]

this is so emotional and amazing.
i cant stand to be able to relate to you- but i do and it hurts but it is soothing at the same time to know that im not alone, that you're not alone. you couldnt have described these emotions any better and i dont know how to thank you for doing so. awesome job - incredible

[Helen Woodward]

I think you are being too hard on yourself, glad you have moved on and hope you find someone worthy of your humility, but enjoy your freedom first.
Helen :-)

[Veronica Franco]

I love this piece, I love that even though it is your emotions, and your feelings. When I was reading it, it was like I have in my head about some people, or them talking back, it is brillant.

[turtlegirlluver]

Wow, this is powerful. The emotion throughout this piece is very easy to relate to. It shows very strong emotions that come with those internal wonders.
"I stand a better person for having known you"
This part is so true, how the ones have/had loved somehow manage to change us for the better. Good write!