Still Alive

A rant kind of thing I guess.

  You are still

  alive, I feel

  you here.

  I can feel your

  breathe on

  my shoulder,

  bare in the

  moon light.

  I can feel you

  under my skin,

  ripping and tearing,

  eating my heart.

  I can hear you

  speaking,

  I can feel

  your voice,

  rocking through

  out my body.

  You are still

  alive.

  You were

  never gone.

  You stayed here.

  Even though

  you knew it was

  so wrong. 

  

Reviews

[Riley Black]

This is a good piece. I spend my time trying to carve ambiguities within my own poetry and I can see a flare of the same within yours. You make the reader think; creating their own individual perceptions about the true destination of the poem.

Why don't you try and place more of an emphasis on the emotions of your narrator in the same sort of style as the 2nd and 3rd stanza?
Using more metaphors can also add a layer of mystery to your writing, something that the simplicity of your writing points towards.

Overall I think its a very competent piece and you should be proud of your efforts.

[Short.Nerd]

Nice!

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem had a feel of mystery. It wasn't a feel of fear. It flowed with the desire of accepting something that isn't wanted and won't go away. I like the complete poem. I had to read a few times to be able enjoy this excellent poem.
Coyote

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

A pleasant and regular feel to your wording, well done, good read

[Suzy Q]

I really like this, you're a really good writer.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I think this was a good write. I think it was sad though. I think it was emotional as well. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Fabric Pulse]

Emotional and up beat.

[A.E. Surdam]

Wow, very emotional. I like it. Great job! :)

[Cody McGeary]

Very nice. It makes me think of the inner demons everyone has that are always trying to break free. Or the little devil on your shoulder type thing. Very good.

[Patches I'm not so new..]

I find this to be on the order of an exsorsism poem one that evidently failed very well written you are indeed a good poet and definately one to watch.