Chapter 1: Minami

The beginning of the mystery.

 

Chapter 1: Minami

            “What a beautiful night,” Tamaki Satahiro whispered to himself as he walked to his Shinjuku apartment, alone, again. Being the number one host at Club Blu was definitely taking its toll on Tamaki. Because a host is really just a date-for-hire, Tamaki’s real social life was practically non-existent. This fact drove Tamaki to throw himself whole-heartedly into his work, which seemed to alienate him even further from his friends. Tamaki is only twenty-three years old but he acts far more mature then his years; being kind, but not gullible, to every one, and understanding people’s feelings extremely well.

            Tamaki reached his apartment and fumbled in his pocket for his keys. Finding them, he opened the door to his penthouse. (Hosting was a very lucrative business after all.) He was greeted with a very extravagant sight. The apartment was a full floor with large picture windows staring out at a beautiful view of Greater Tokyo. There was expensive furniture placed delicately around the main room and a stainless steel kitchen. He put his wallet and keys onto the top of the living room coffee table and sat down on the couch to think. Tamaki was very handsome; no wonder he was number one. He had high cheek bones that was reminiscent of Japanese royalty, his hair a light brown with flame-like highlights, and his eyes were such a deep shade of blue no one, man or woman, couldn’t help but be wrapped up in their beauty. His body was lithe, but slightly muscled, and his hair fell to the middle of his thin back in a long ponytail. He sank back into the soft, suede cushions of the couch and drifted off to sleep, still fully clothed.

            He dreamt of a town in a foreign country that would save him from his problems. He walked along a dark alleyway searching for the ‘key’. He didn’t know exactly what it was but he followed his intuition and turned down streets that just felt right, whatever that meant. He felt close. He could almost hear it. Wait, hear it? It was getting louder. Beep, Beep, BEEEP!

             Tamaki woke to the sound of his cell phone going off. He picked it up.

            “Hello,” He said with a hint of annoyance in his voice. “What!? What did they do!!! Hold on, I’ll be right there. Calm down. Bye.” He raced out the door, still in last night’s suit. It took him only six minutes, on foot, to get to Club Blu, from where the call was sent. Club Blu was a high-end, three-story building; that was, not surprisingly, painted several shades of blue. He walked in and was greeted (more like yelled at) by a small blonde woman wearing a long, light pink skirt and a slightly revealing purple sweater. She spoke quickly in perfect Japanese, despite looking authentically German.

            “Quickly, come quickly,” She said hurriedly. “It’s Minami-san. He won’t come out of his dressing room. Once we go to see him, I will show you why.” She walked so fast it seemed that she ran all the way to Minami’s room. He quite obviously could see that the woman, whose name was Toko Schwan, had always had a crush on Minami Asuko, and was now extremely worried about him.

            Minami was the number two-requested host at Club Blu, but he had never had any malice against Tamaki for being top dog. In fact he looked up to Tamaki like a young man looked up to his father, waiting patiently for instruction. Minami even liked to call him nii-sama, a word that meant ‘older brother’ in very respective terms. Eventually, they found the door to Minami’s dressing room. They opened it cautiously, and poked their heads inside, when suddenly….

            “NII-SAMA!!!!!!” Minami slammed into Tamaki with such force, the air was knocked out of him and he fell to the floor.

            “Minami-kun[1], what’s wrong?” Tamaki questioned. He had noticed the younger man was sobbing on his now wrinkled, and very wet, white dress shirt.

            “Nii-sama, they were being mean again,” Minami whined sadly. He was talking about his twin older brothers, Zaki and Taki. They were jealous of their younger brother’s girl-like beauty and always teased him about it. Minami was quite beautiful, though.... Wait this is not the time! Tamaki mentally cursed himself for his moment of randomness. He stared at Minami. He was 21 but looked like he was seventeen years old. (Though he acted eight.) He had bleach blonde hair that was up in short, messy spikes that fell down in places. His teeth were white as pearls and straight as his small nose, and his lips were pouty and red. His eyes were a silky chocolate brown and were normally pulled up in a cheery manner, but were now filled with tears. He also wore a thin choker of hemp cord and seashells. Today he had on a shiny gold suit with a partly undone black formal shirt.

            “…ii-Sama, Nii-sama, NII-SAMA WAKE UP!!!” Minami screamed. Tamaki had apparently fallen asleep. And he had been dreaming of Minami. What was this world coming to when a guy couldn’t look at his best (and practically, only) friend without actually fantasizing about him? It was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. Tamaki stood up with Minami still clutching his waist.

            “So Toko-san, what did you want to show me again?” Tamaki reminded Toko.

“Oh, I forgot. Follow me,” Toko answered worriedly, as if she didn’t want to show him anymore.

            “Nii-sama, I’m coming too. I will explain it to you.” Tamaki looked at Minami and then back to Toko. She had a look of half-jealously, half-hurt on her face, but said nothing.

            They followed her to the main ballroom on the second floor. She stopped outside of the door and looked at the two men; Tamaki a little wrinkled and scruffy looking and Minami latched to Tamaki at the hip.

            “Are you sure you want to see this?” Toko asked.

            “Yes,” Tamaki answered stiffly. Minami merely whimpered.

            Toko opened the double doors to a ghastly scene.

            “Oh… My… God…,” Tamaki whispered. Minami fainted.

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[1] The suffix –kun is use when addressing a familiar younger man or boy or it is used when talking to a good friend that is a boy. The suffix –chan is the opposite; it is used for girls.

Author's Note

First chapter! Tell me anything you want to, it's is greatly appreciated.

Reviews

[Inda Lauryn]

I did enjoy this story, but I do have a couple comments. The tense changes are a little distracting. Also, you seem to want to offer too many explanations all at once. You use one footnote here, which was okay, but you may want to consider using them where you are tempted to give other cultural explanations; for example, "Minami even liked to call him nii-sama, a word that meant 'older brother' in very respective terms." The definition could be footnoted instead of straying away from the story. Otherwise, I have to say I'm definitely interested in the next chapter.

[Kasey Klein]

Hello Ayame.

I hope you accept my comments in the manner in which I offer. These are merely my impressions of what I read; this is not a critique, just some notes off the top of my head.

Let me get this out of the way. "A blonde" is a woman with blond-colored hair. "Blond," is a color, kinda like that of sun-bleached wicker to winter straw. In some cases, as you use it, saying "A blond woman" is acceptable, however, to say "A blonde woman" would be redundant.

I had trouble following the story. The narrator kept getting in the way with its little asides. I understand that's likely the style but (Hosting was a very lucrative business after all.) is like, "Yeah, no kidding?" How a little faith in the reader to know stuff.

The word very does nothing to modify the verb, and you should consider eliminating it from your writing. If you feel the need to modify the words below, try a simile.

very lucrative -- as lucrative as the stock market on a good day...
very extravagant -- as extravagant as the New Year's parade
very handsome -- as handsome as a New York carriage ride (that's a joke)
very respective -- as respective as a student on his first day of school
very wet -- as a cat in a rain storm.

Watch over-detailing action:

Tamaki reached his apartment and fumbled in his pocket for his keys. Finding them, he opened the door to his penthouse.

Don't get in the way of you story.