Sally The Sinister

another from an old contest from the challengeres i finished

Donovan rushed Into the garden center of the local park, trying to control his nervousness. He felt inside the pocket of his jacket, just to make sure the ring box was still there. He took a deep breath as he watched Angela, his girlfriend and soon to be fiancé walk up the path smiling at him. She had changed out of her waitress clothes and was now in a pretty floral dress that flowed around her knees. She reached out her arms to hug him. Words flowed in his mind  in a jumble as the couple walked until he stopped her at a place that seemed fit for a proposal. He looked into her gleaming brown eyes, then he proposed. Happy tears filled her eyes and she embraced him. He looked over to find a cloaked figure watching from by the water but he chose to ignore it, he didn't want anything to ruin the moment he was in.

The next day, Angela came home frightened."What happened"?, He asked he in concern."A cloaked woman threatened me at the diner , not physically but her tone was rather frightening". She explained."What did she say"? He asked worriedly."I couldn't remember I was too frightened", she confessed. Donovan wondered if this was the cloaked stranger from the park, he was almost sure it was, but what would this stranger want with Angela? He was determined to figure it out but Angela forced him to push the thought away claiming she probably just blew things out of proportion due to her paranoia and that it was probably just an angry customer who was unhappy with her service, after all she had been too excited to sleep last night, she assured him, but something just didn't seem right to Donovan.

"Donnie the ring is gone"!!!! Angela cried."But you had it safely put in the drawer", Donovan replied."I know but now it's gone", she continued, showing him  the empty box. He comforted her all he could and begged her not to go to work that day. Angela reluctantly went back to sleep leaving Donovan to his thoughts. This couldn't be a coincidence, it had to be the cloaked woman, and he was going to get answers and make this stop, but  where would he find her. She had been seen at the park and now the diner, he didn't know where to look. Suddenly, Angela screamed. "Angie, what is it?", Donovan said, turning around quickly to see a swarm of black spiders crawling up the bed towards her. Angela had a deathly fear of spiders. "Angie, I’ve got you, you're going to be alright", Donovan assured her as he swooped her up in his arms and headed for the door. He could feel her breathing heavily in his arms.

When he opened the door, he was greeted by a cold blast of wind and maniacal laughter. The cloaked figure stood before them."Who are you?", Donovan screamed over the wind, "What do you want with Angie?""I don't want that stupid girl", The voice of a woman filled the air, piercing his ears. "It’s you I want", she finished. The hood of the strangers cloak blew down, revealing her to be Donovan's crazy ex girlfriend, Sally, whom he had left because she began to grow strange, speaking of witchcraft and the supernatural. She held up her hand, revealing Angela's ring."That’s my ring, you monster!" Angela cried. Sally only laughed and sent the young woman flying into the door."Angie!", Donovan screamed. Sally began to laugh, but Donovan didn't think it was too funny.

 He noticed a pendant glowing on her neck and when he was able to get close enough, he grabbed it from her neck and threw it on the ground. Sally fell into unconsciousness, and Donovan took the glistening ring off of the woman's wicked finger. He ran to the door noticing Angela had just hung up her cell phone."I already called the police", she said. "Everything will be fine now", he said, looking into her horrified brown eyes, "Everything", he repeated, holding up the engagement ring. She slipped it on her finger overjoyed. "Are you hurt badly?", Donovan asked worriedly."Just a few gashes on my arms and legs, I’ll be fine", she assured him. 

 Sally's actions had been seen by a security camera on the house and she was thrown into an asylum. Without her pendant she was powerless and that been sold and melted into nothing. Soon after, Donovan and Angela were wed, and needless to say, they seen no more of the sinister woman.

Reviews

[KeeD]

I loved it the story was very inviting and the suspense of the hooded lady had me hooked. I would love it if you made paragraphs separating the scenes for an easier read. The writing was really good and the ending well it kind of ended abruptly it didn't have that strong finish that I expected from the amazing start but it was good none the less and I really did enjoy it. I think you're really talented and looking forward to reading more of your work.
He looked into her gleaming bright green eyes, then he proposed.
"Everything will be fine now", he said, looking into her horrified brown eyes,

I was confused for a second then I just wondered if she had hazel eyes and if they changed color with light reflecting it or was this just a small mistake :D

[chaotic katie]

yes a small mistake going to fix it now, thanks for pointing that out and thanks for the feedback i appriciate it glad you enjoyed. :)