Prologue - Ten years ago

The prologue - ten years before the events of chapter 1.

"Eli!"

The shrill voice echoed through the dark streets, finally reaching the hut at the far end of the village. By the time the woman had made it all the way to the small wooden hut, out of breath and exhausted, her cries had already awakened the man she sought.

"Eli!" the messenger cried again between her breaths as she noticed the man standing in his doorway.

"Calm yourself, girl, people are sleeping!" Eli commanded with a harsh voice. He did not enjoy being awakened in the night;  in his later years he'd found it harder and harder to force himself out of bed.

He stared at the messenger who stopped dead in her tracks before him, leaning forwards to catch her breath before speaking.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I carry important news, sir"

Eli waited, more and more impatiently, as the girl once again had to pause to catch her breath. But he could see in her terrified eyes that her message was of great importance.

"The last outpost has fallen. They're on their way here!" the girl finally cried out in one breath.

At once, Eli felt completely awake. He had feared this moment, praying that it would somehow be avoided. But here it was, and it forced upon him a difficult decision.

After dismissing the girl by giving her a new message to deliver, he retreated back into his hut to gather his necessary equipment. Time was short now.

A mere half hour later, nearly the entire village had gathered in the grand hall, whispering and mumbling frantically; they all realized what was happening.

As the great doors suddenly burst open, sending a gush of wind that caused the torches along the walls to flicker violently, the entire room fell dead silent. Every eye in the room fell upon Eli as he entered the hall and made his way to the elevation at the end of it, followed by several other men.

"I think you all know why you've been so hastily awakened tonight." Eli started with a sigh, "And I know that you are all worried. Let me shine some light on the situation so there is no confusion. The enemy has somehow found out about our settlements here in the west; I just received word that Safecrest has fallen. Soon, the enemy will be upon us as well, and I fear we stand little chance of victory. Therefore, I order every man, woman and child who is not part of the defenses to gather their belongings and head into the mountains immediately."

A wild storm of protests broke out among the gathered, especially among the younger men; few were willing to leave their village to the enemy. And yet Eli merely had to raise his hand for a few moments before the silence returned.

"I have spoken! Soldiers, meet up back here in an hour. The rest will evacuate. Now go!"
With a new wave of mumbling disapproval, the crowd started heading for the doors, dispersing into the dark of the night. Eli himself broke away from the others and made his way down the street back to his hut, in which he found his wife, searching frantically for her most valued possessions to bring.

"You're coming with us right?" she asked with a worried look as he entered through the door. She could see immediately on his face that her presumption was wrong.
"You know I can't," he tried to soothe her, "we have to try and keep them off for as long as possible so the rest of you can escape."

" But -" she started, but her voice did not carry.

"I know it's hard, but I must stay. So you and Zach can survive."

Eli found it harder and harder to maintain his emotionless face; for the first time in years he felt close to tears.

"I'm staying to fight with you!" a child's voice suddenly proclaimed behind them.

Turning around to find his son standing in the doorway with a small wooden sword in his hand, Eli couldn't help but smile for a second. Then he got down on one knee, as he always did when he was telling him something important, and said with his calmest voice,
"No, Zach. I need you to protect your mother and the other children. You have to go with them."

After sharing an encouraging look with his wife, Eli bade his wife and son farewell, and left to meet with the other soldiers, who had already gathered outside the hall. There they waited, discussing strategies and going through their equipment, until the last people had headed for the mountains, leaving the village deserted. As the silence settled in around them, the few soldiers started making their way east, where they knew they would encounter the enemy.

As the village was located in a secluded valley, the only way in from the east was through a narrow passage, only a few men in width. They had determined they would try and hold their defenses there, hoping to fend off the intruders long enough for the others to escape into the mountains.

Eli had no delusions; he knew they were fighting a desperate last stand, one that was doomed to fail. He looked at the others as they walked down the forest path. Did they know, as he did, that they would not live to see the sun rise again?

They stopped at the narrowest point in the passage, where they had a fairly good view of the plains to the east. With a jab of fear to his heart, Eli noticed the enemy in the distance, mere shadows moving across the moonlit ground. What caused him his pain however, was that they were mounted - if they were not stopped, he knew that they would easily catch up with the refugees before they could reach safety.

He threw one last look over his shoulder. Had the others reached the end of the valley yet? Were they already on their way up the rocky cliffs in the distance? He squinted his eyes, trying to make out any movement on the other side of the valley, but deep down he knew they couldn't have made it that far yet - not with the elderly and the children to slow them down.

Turning his gaze back east, he watched the enemy as they poured over the landscape, hundreds of riders, impossibly outnumbering his own men. He knew they wouldn't be able to hold out for long, but still he ordered his men to stand their ground. The enemy must be delayed.
•••

Zach ran down the rocky path, constantly tripping over the loose rocks. He had to get back, had to help his father defend their village.

He couldn't hear the others any more. They had tried to catch him, shouting for him not to go, but he had soon lost them in the darkness. He had to go back, didn't they understand? He felt furious that they were all running away, leaving their homes for the enemy to burn. They should all return with him and fight, not run away and hide.

He ran in desperation, knowing that every minute counted. But it wasn't long before he found himself lost, not knowing which way to run. He had been so sure this had been where they came from, but now he did not recognize anything. In his desperation, he headed off in a new direction, and it was only with difficulty that he managed to stop himself inches away from the edge of a high cliff. From where he stood, he found himself able to see the entire valley down below, from the village in the north, to the dense forests in the south, and he froze for a moment as he took in the beauty of the scene.

Reminding himself that he was running out of time, he made to turn around and find a different way down, when he suddenly saw movement in the corner of his eye. He concentrated, trying to make out the tiny shapes in the distance, which he now realized were headed towards his village. Was it his father and the other defenders he saw, returning to the village after having defeated the enemy? But then his heart sank in his chest as he realized that they were far too many in numbers to be his own people.
He felt his eyes begin to water as he thought about what must have happened. His father would never let the intruders into the valley, unless he was already -

He was interrupted in his thoughts as the scene before him quickly changed. Several spots of light suddenly appeared in the tiny village far below, spreading, until the entire village was aglow. They're burning down the village!

 Zach felt his rage build up inside him. Never before had he felt so powerless, being able to do nothing but watch as his home was destroyed. He would never get down there in time to stop it, even if he tried.

Then his heart sank even lower in his chest as he saw, in the light of the fire, the mounted soldiers setting off west, towards where the villagers had fled. Zach immediately turned around and started to run once more; he had to find his way back to the others and warn them.

But after taking only a few steps, he stopped, staring into the semi-darkness in front of him where several tall figures had appeared, standing still as statues in the faint moonlight. Masking his fears and surprise, he yelled at them, trying to sound as tough as he could.

"Get out of my way or I'll kill you!"

He raised his wooden sword threateningly, but the figures didn't even react. Feeling his rage taking over him, he lunged for the nearest of the figures, swinging his sword wildly at him. He did not care who these men were, or even what they wanted, but he couldn't control himself; he needed an outlet for his anger.

To his surprise, he found himself hitting nothing but air and fell forwards onto the hard ground. Looking up, he saw the man he had attacked standing a few feet away from him; the others having walked up to the edge to watch the spectacle in the valley.

"I know you're upset boy, but I am not your enemy" the man calmly stated. "Tell me. Where are the other survivors?"

Not knowing whether or not he could trust these strangers, Zach remained speechless as he got back to his feet. He then made up his mind and darted away from the cliff, back the way he had come. He had to reach his people before it was too late.

He hadn't run far, however, before he heard the same calm voice again, emanating from his right.

"We can help, you know. We know these mountains. If you tell us where they went, we can save them."

Zach ignored the man and merely kept running, hoping he would lose his persecutors in the dark. But as he reached a crossroads, he was forced to stop and think about which way was the right one. He felt the panic spread through him; time was running out.

"Tell us, boy! Where did they go?" the voice again commanded as the stranger appeared from the shadows in front of Zach.

"I don't know, all right?" Zach yelled back, barely able to keep his voice stable. "We were headed west up the northern trail from the valley, but now I can't find it again!"

Suddenly the other men who had been at the cliff appeared behind the first one, and after holding a whispering conversation with the one who was clearly the leader, they set off up one of the roads.

"Come with me" the remaining man commanded before he turned around to follow the others.

Seeing no other choice, Zach did what he was told and tried his best to keep up with the fast pace.

It wasn't long however before he could hear distant screams, and the clings of metal.
"No!" he shouted off the top of his lungs, increasing his speed as much as he could.
As he reached the top of some small cliffs, Zach felt another sting of despair as he watched the scene in front of him. Everywhere he looked, he saw bodies littering the ground, and enemy soldiers looting them, taking everything of value. Zach cried out in anger, raised his sword and started running down the hill towards the enemy. He did not care how many they were, they would all die by his hand.

But before he could even get close, he once again found his path blocked by the stranger, who held out his arms to stop him.

"Out of my way!" Zach shouted, unable to control his wrath.

Without even stopping he took a swing at the man, expecting him to once more jump out of the sword's way. But the man merely held his ground, without even flinching as the wooden sword hit him over the shoulder. Surprised, Zach was unable to stop and crashed into the man, bouncing off him and landing roughly on the hard ground.

"There is little you can do with that sword, boy. But don't worry, my men are taking care of the soldiers as we speak."

Zach got to his feet and staggered to the side, looking past the man to where the soldiers were. And sure enough, there was some sort of battle down below, where the few strangers moved around with incredible speed, slicing down every soldier that got in their way. As the last soldier fell to the ground, and the silence returned over the scene, Zach turned back to the man.

"Who are you?" he demanded
"We are the Monasterians." the man said before turning away and joining the others down below.

Zach followed him down the slope, still in shock, trying to make his way to the bodies of his people, but was once again stopped by the strangers, who were returning up where they had come.

"You shouldn't see this, boy. Come with us."

Reluctantly, and constantly throwing looks back over his shoulder, Zach was pushed back the way they had come until he stopped fighting back and started walking on his own. As he then followed the strangely dressed men, he felt a burning anger starting to take over his previous state of shock. He swore he would one day avenge his people.



 

Author's Note

Just something I pooped out today, let me know what you think of it as a prologue!

Reviews

[TheSweet]

Well well, I haven't seen you around here for a while. Well I can say that this is good stuff. By the end of the piece you can see why it is a prologue, and follows that the story will be around this. It sets the scene, as it were. I like the foolhardy main character, and the Monasterians seem like elusive characters. Deffinitely interesting.

What I would suggest, is perhaps putting yourself in the story a little more. I get the feel of it as a story, but I can't empathise as much. What would be good is even just a few added pieces of description about the colour, the smell, the temperature. That kind of thing - playing with the senses. It just aids to get the reader involved with the piece. I tend to add metaphors to emphasise this, but you should do it how you feel works for you.

It's mostly a concept thing. Cause other than that, you have something really rather good here :) Thanks a plenty.

[Haeshin]

I'd say it has potential, but it also seems to follow a story archetype that many have seen before: Hero encounters enemy and tragedy at a young age, which pushes him to vengeance. The general storyline and the main character's personality may turn out to predictable.