Moved On

It's hard seeing you move on 

With not even a few days apart.

I can see in you that what was once

Is no longer, along with no spark.

You still reassure me of many things

But when you left you also took my wings.

So i sit here, with my pillow to cry,

knowing forever that I can't fly.

You gave me things I wanted to hear

Now the only thing I have is a tear.

Forever it will roll down my colorless face

hidden behind the linen and lace.

Take her hand and never let it go

For with her im sure it's true, you'll know.

Hold her tight and even say 'I love you'

One day she could be gone and you'll not have a clue.

Keep this one on your arm, keep her by your side

Answer all her questions, 'What's' and 'Why's'.

This is not a time for me to act 'cool' or 'sly' 

So I will say, is this forever goodbye? 

Reviews

[Lord of mad men]

No good-byes are for ever... That is all I am able to say at the moment. Yours truly a mad Lord.

[emipoemi]

I must say this is very well written on many levels. It starts out well with a grand opening to set the scene of the message/narrative that also is topped with a great musicality. You then modulate that musicality to couplets, which is fine, for it works to a reasonable extent for a while (some lines could lose or add a syllable to make it flow more smoothly, but that's a petty comment that you need only to consider, and not take fully to heart). But to end without having modulated back to the quatrain form as you started with, it ends as though there's something missing. It has nothing to do with that fact that the ending was not strong enough (it's actually is a fantastic ending line), it more has to do with the way you ended the piece. Unless you make the first four lines couplets, the last two lines in some way or other should be turned into a quatrain, so that there's symmetry and echoes, and the musicality comes back to it's "tonic note". This is in every other aspect super! Well done!