The Letter I wish you wrote

Its so hard to move on when the words you wanted to hear or read were never uttered...

Hi Boo,

Our love has been the guiding light in this crazy maze I call a life. 

It saved me from a lifetime of darkness.

I felt the heat of your sunshine,

the warmth of the heat that you radiated,

and the safety that the light you brought to my life.

I found the confidence to step into the light once again,

I didn't fear the heat, I feared nothing but yearned for everything.

I was so brave that I jumped in without reservations and questions.

No fear just yearning.

Just the need to be with you.

As I adjusted to the light,

When everything was a blur of white and spots of colours.

I felt elated,

Bursts of colours here and there spiked my senses.

And I wanted to see more.

My eyes and heart adjusted to the miracle that was happening around me,

I got more confident, I got greedy.

I wanted more, I wanted to experience everything,

I wanted more than the safety of the net you have set to protect me.

I fought against the net that protected me nourished me,

I bit, Clawed and slashed,

Not knowing it was your loving arms that I was hurting.

But after all the violence you held me tight,

Tended to my wounds,

Fed me nectar to please and nourish me back to health.

I regained my strength and found my balance,

I tried to keep the bond that kept us together,

But the harder I tried the more I wanted to leave the nest,

I kept to myself wondering and waiting,

clarifying what I felt and what I was feeling.

Thinking of how I got to such a crossroad.

Boo. I loved you.

With all my heart and soul.

you woke me up from a deep dark slumber,

nursed me back to health and 

showed me love beyond my expectations.

I woke with nothing but admiration for you...

admiration not love. not even want.

I am so scared that what I am feeling is a mistake,

I have decided long ago that I was yours and you were mine.

But I don't know where else we can turn to.

We've hit the wall.

And its time to choose.

I am sorry my Boo,

for testing our relationship,

I am sorry my Boo,

for making you feel that you weren't enough.

Because you were.

But I wasn't ready.

You pieced me back together,

with so much care and gentleness,

and when I was finally whole.

I realised...

That we were not meant to be,

and my heart broke all over again.

Because I wanted to want you like how I did when I was broken.

It tore me to pieces knowing that this will break you.

That I will break you.

Forgive me...

But it would be better to cut you now,

Than create a deeper wound tomorrow.

This is not what I want,

But this is how it has to be.

I can't be selfish,

Not with you.

Thank you for loving me,

And I am so sorry for breaking you.

It was never my intention,

Please believe that.