Heavy eyelids and hearts

I talk about you to my parents everyday 

like you're still the boy I loved

all those months ago. 

They just nod and cover the ears of their hearts. 

They see how the distance between us 

and the way you turn your head the other way

eats away at me.

Everyone around me sits and watches me wrap

myself in the memory of you. 

They all watch the love I have for you

pour from out of my throat 

as I talk about you with a relentless and violent kindness. 

They all point to the dark purple circles under my eyes that were painted by you. 

I ignore them.

I convinced myself it's the medication making me sleep less months ago.

I defend you, even while I watch everyone

cover their ears.

Everyone resents you for the way I ignore the way you've treated me.

I can't bear looking at myself in the eyes; ignorance is bliss.

I'm the one who should be clenching my fists 

and raving on about how you've hurt me

in ways no one has before, 

instead it's those around me who

dig their nails into their palms at the mention of your name. 

I tend to ignore the footnotes

 and only read the highlighted parts of our story.

I know I shouldn't, 

but I forgive you indefinitely. 

I ignore your faults because I can still taste your love on my tongue.

I can't loosen my grip on what was, 

even though my hands are raw and calloused. 

The rope tied around your waist 

is straining, 

each strand stained with my own blood.

Author's Note

room for improvement?

Reviews

[Aarti Sriram]

Deep matter spoken here about past love and her pain. Her Internnal struggle between memories and reality of the situation resulting in emotional turmoil, the speaker justifying the mistreatment from her once upon a time lover. Its a very unhealthy nature of relationship that doesnt accept that it was a abusive relationship. She instead continues to hold on to her taste of the lost relationship, making it hard to move on. Her family members refuse to agree to her version and are angry with her. They point out her fading health and her decision to still remain attached to this boy who isn’t in love with their girl any more and will not maintain a healthy relationship anymore with her. The girl needs healing and to start thinking away from her hurtful past, to forget it as bad luck but remember the lessons from it. This is important so that she gains her emotional balance and takes time out to find peace with herself. Her family is supportive and she can choose to spend some time with them away from any other miserable thoughts. This happens and few lucky ones come out of the clutches of a pemanent scar on their minds with the help and support of dear ones. Many others just lose track of a beautiful life with just one bad experience in their life. Good writing dear @averynean