So Much

A Story by Amy

There's so much more i have left to say before i fall into deep slumber, but it's creeping up behind my eye lids. I'm so exhausted. I'm not very sure either if you'll even see this. Let alone bother to come back to this page where all i ever practically write about is my inner thoughts.

I wonder too much at this hour, where i should dreaming instead of letting my mind wander, creating horrible scenarios for me to repeat over and over till i believe it's the only truth.

My eyes are heavy, and i need to sleep. I should go and sleep so i can wake up early and finish the rest of the errands i have to run.

I hope from time to time you visit here and read my stories and poems. I highly doubt it but, it's always nice to hope. To cut things short, i just want to know where we stand. Are we together, are we not? Am i allowed to freely roam and catch the eyes of other people, while you do the same? Am i yours, are you mine? Are we friends with benefits, or just friends?

Quite honestly, i've gotten tired of the secrecy. I'm tired of acting like i don't have a significant other or someone i talk to or date or who i'm with. Why so much secrecy? I mean, i wanted it, yes, but i always hoped you'd break the silence and let people know. I assume you'r not ready, or you're embarrassed, or scared. Whatever it might be, i understand. I do and i don't.

I'm afraid you've already found someone else. The idea of being less than what you need is horrifying. It's damaging, it's uneasy.

Maybe we should just stop before it gets serious. Before i get my feelings hurt, or yours. We're too far away, with pretty people surrounding you and me being here. How am i suppose to feel comfortable, especially without a title?

I feel like you're embarrassed, and now the question of where we stand and what we are is killing me. I want an answer, but i don't think i'll get one.