The Near Future

I've thought much about the future, and how it will play out. Like, what will come, who will leave, who will be forgotten, and who's feelings will be hurt. Not even my OWN feelings, or my own path. I'm talking about the relationships between me and others who i've come to befriend. I'm not afraid of being hurt, because i've overcome far worse. I'm afraid for others... I'm afraid of myself. 

I know i am capable of doing harm. Mentally of course. Each step i've taken since the summer began was careful chosen. I think before i talk, i'm not as careless anymore. I try and make sure that what i do, will not impact others in a hard way, or even a small manner. But lately, i've been confused. I'm trying to do the right thing when all it's doing is making me unhappy. I'm putting others first before me, and that shouldn't be. But it seems as if i have no other choice. If i step out of the line, i know something bad will happen. Either to me or to someone else. I will never win. i've thought about doing what i want. Acting freely, never against my will. But like i said, it will never be what i want. The world is too judgmental and at my age, it's too harsh. Everyone kinda makes you, YOU. You never really have much say in who you want to really be. I fear that i will always live this way. Not just me, but everyone. That we will always live in fear and in judgement.