Not Really A Story

A Story by Amy

A valuable lesson i learned tonight

I've always been afraid of confronting my fears and desires, although i'm sure so have others. I apologize in advance if my writing sucks, it's been a while since i've actually written anything. Anyways, before the summer started i made a bucket list. There's things from traveling to places, to must see movies. One of the things i wrote was to NOT find someone for the summer (meaning no boyfriends, significant other etc.) But of course, i found myself drifting towards someone who i would have never guessed i'd be interested in. He was a long time acquaintance who i slowly found myself around every night, either through a friend, me, or coincidence.

I'm not exactly someone who sticks around for a long time which is bad, but something about him is exciting. Perhaps it's his kindness, or the way he speaks. I can't put a finger on it. Unfortunately, a friend of mine dated him some time ago. The worst part about it is that she's a new friend of mine. How could i betray this girl who had just popped up in my life? She's so sweet and nice to me and she's so full of life. I didn't want to betray our friendship by liking someone she had dated. It just isn't right for me, you know?

About a week ago i ended up telling him that i enjoyed his company, because it's true and i needed to tell him. But then it seemed like he wasn't interested which made me upset because i had put myself out there not knowing where it would lead and all he could say was "friends should enjoy each others company". I mean c'mon, that's bullshit! Did i really just tell you in a non direct way that i like you for you to tell me "friends should enjoy each others company"?! At that moment, i knew i got friend zoned. No if, ands, or buts.

BUT, i managed to work up the courage to ask him if i actually did. The fact that i was uncertain if i did was killing me, i had to know. So about an hour ago i asked him, and turns out, i didn't get put in the friend zone. It's great news, something i was hoping for.

Doing this made me realize that i shouldn't let other people stop me from going for what i want. I'm not saying i still don't feel bad because i do. But me and him are temporary which is quite unfortunate. But for now, i'm going to enjoy whatever it is that me and him have because he'll leave for Albany soon. I won't countdown the days, and i won't wait for his departure. I'm simply going to enjoy his presence and his thoughts. Something i should have done a while back.