Two of Us in a Messy Room

You’re curled at my side on top of navy sheets,

next to my large windows, which let the creeping

sun slide up to greet us - or maybe just me,

as your eyes are hidden beneath their lids.

You sleep so calmly and neatly,

your chest strewn with freckles and your auburn hair awry.

The room around us mimics your skin, speckled with clothes and plastic bags,

stuffed animals and video games,

empty glasses and fencing swords.

But while I sit here, waiting for your return,

the surrounding detritus confines me, makes me anxious and afraid.

I want to clear it all away:

paint a god of beauty,

sign a story into life,

swirl the patterned lights of my hula hoop,

anything to distract me from the remnant worries so wound up in every inch,

 

but instead I lie next to you,

 

I take your cue to breathe.

Author's Note

I didn't realize I still had this, or I would've uploaded it sooner. =P This is for my boyfriend, about the first moment I realized I loved him.
Thank you for any critiques!

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

nothing boring here...that first inkling, the epiphany of how we really love someone, despite the messiness...because really messiness is reality...one that we suddenly perceive we do not want to lose--

i like the end...taking his cue to breathe....and maybe close our own eyes and let them hide behind our lids...

nicely done.

[Emma Olsen]

Thank you very much. =)

[RAOrourke]

Emma,
Beautiful poem, I enjoyed the way it flowed and the visualizations it created.
"anything to distract me from the remnant worries so wound up in every inch,but instead I lie next to you, I take your cue to breathe." Loved these lines, tells so much! Well done

[Emma Olsen]

Thank you!

[fatimasque]

i loved how uneven it is, like in fact a moment when you realize you're in love? there is a serenity and chaos in it all together- your imagery almost contradicts the emotion, and i wonder why but i love it. doesn't make me want to feel in love, and not to say i'm necessarily emotionally moved, but surely gives me curiousity to what it would feel like to be in a relationship; specially as i'm generally the only single one on the dinner table. haha.
the idea to wait for his cue to breath though- brilliant. that i could feel.

[Emma Olsen]

I was having a panic attack at the moment, actually, and having him just be there made me realize I was safe and alright and, after a long time of going for people who screwed with me and made me confused, the clarity and peace made me realize this was the love I was looking for. I suppose it's more boring than some people like, but it works for me. =) At first I was trying to cram all that into the poem, but then it felt too weighted down . . . I don't know. Point is, love is different for everyone, but, overall, it should make you feel good and supported. =)

[fatimasque]

not boring at all. i can see it now, the panic attack. and as i read it again, i'm more connected to what you were feeling. that's where i sensed the chaos then, makes so much more sense now. and then the clarity and peace, the cue. i see it. beautiful! i myself have been in love, but never in a relationship of this kind... not having felt it, makes it hard to want it, although i do crave it. does that make sense?

[Emma Olsen]

Thank you! I understand. =) I was definitely in that place, but I was looking for it in the wrong type of people, too. Sometimes my boyfriend is almost too gentle and caring, but I'd rather a guy who really cares and considers my feelings than someone who'll steamroller over them. =P

[FlatLineBeauty]

I really liked your flow and how smooth the words flowed. They felt as smooth as silk coming from my mouth and you could actually feel the bond you have with this person. You're watching them sleep and looking at their tiny details almost as if in awe. Good write. Xo Winter

[Emma Olsen]

Thank you! =)