Ring of Fire

A tirade, and ode to substance-shattered friendship.

A Circle of Destruction disbands
A separation from evils
So that the world may be delivered
A new me.
Why is it then,
Upon first calm night's rest
At four AM
You spoil for a fight?
Two squalking buzzards barged in
And bogart your friendship
Make me seem unworthy
When it’s strikingly clear
Moonshine and scattered lines of powder
Rotted your mind.
“Why haven’t you called me?”
You demand
But I recall…

From the age of seven
Swinging at Willow Bend park
Our spirits brought forth laughter
And light within the dark.
But then he came along,
And sunshine transformed to dirt
You birthed onto this earth a life
It felt so terrible to know
How much he made you hurt
But all this time, I’ve realized
Though I was in the driver's seat:
You demanded control.
I carted you ‘round, from here to there
To get your fix, to score
No, no no no no no NO
Not anymore.

Instead of school books and honest work
You chose stripper poles and chemicals
Manipulation grew and grew.
I begged, pleaded, waited for you
To seek help, to realize
But now, I witness your demise
You want me to brush everything aside
I suppose I must be a bad friend,
For having been there for you
Through thick and thin
Got so thin the bottom fell out
I had to save myself from you.
Try, try try with all your might
Make me feel as though I’m in your debt
I could stake the same claim
But you can’t reason with someone
Who’s clearly gone insane

Author's Note

This is only a first draft, needs much more revision and expansion. Any suggestions are welcome.

Reviews

[Kelley]

I think your a really great writer Amanda
and this showed your many talents .

I did see a few mistakes or what I thought
sounded funny.

One was in your line........

" Make me seem unworthy " would sound better if you put....

"Makes me seem unworthy"

and another line that sounds forced is.....

"Try, try try all with all your might" maybe try......

" Try, try try with all your might. "

I loved your lines ......

" But then he came along,
And sunshine transformed to dirt. "

and

"Instead of school books and honest work
You chose stripper poles and chemical."

I know this was just a rough draft and I hoped I have
helped in some significant way.

Thanks for sharing. I look forward in reading more of your work.

Kelley

[the magician]

You are an amazing writer. Oftentimes when I read your poems I find myself speechless...this is one such case. For a first draft, it's pretty amazing. I don't see anything I'd change.

I love the repetition of the words. It really gives the story you have to tell an urgency.

[Liza]

how very brave of you to write
i have lived through a similar situation, about 3 times over
it is a difficult situation to evaluate because in being friends we agree to overlook their weaknesses
but when we come to realize that the friendships are dead end streets
we crash
beautifully said.

[Skelasoldier]

Nice imagery and flow :D

[kewlbluetiger]

Wow this poem is a dark wild pony. I love it. It's really passionate and I can tell you're deeply tied to the meaning, but it needs reins for the reader. First stanza just need a little bit more detail and flushing. Incorporate the deceptive feelings from the second stanza in the first few lines to pull the reader in. Second stanza is PERFECTION (honestly could stand alone). Third Stanza must answer the question you posed in the first stanza, and I think the key is "I have to save myself from you."

Wow, anyone who's been in a "fixer" relationship like this can identify. Love your poem. Great write.

[Honeypot]

Hi! I'm glad I came back for a second look. Its hard to break away from a childhood friendship, but you have to do what is best for you and if the friendship isn't working it's time to let her go. I like your style in writing this. It's raw, edgy and has a modern feel to it. Great Job on this.

[MagiCrystal]

humm sounds like a confession and low self esteem insecurity, and innocence i like it.. and i never read a story like this one.. so sad ..
reason with someone who is insane is not reasoning... is more
like a battle of the mind...
you did a good job.
the draft is good the revision is yours..
expansion... of the poem... a good one

[Valentine]

I have never had any experience in this sort of a life and from reading this poem..I can honestly thank Jesus He found me before I got into this..Scary event to live through wasn't it? Lol and God bless..Kathie

[lindsay]

I think this is really emotionally. I feel like you put a lot of your soul into it.
" Got so thin the bottom fell out
I had to save myself from you."

That line really just jumped at me. Great job.