The Baptism II

Capturing a moment in time while giving the cleansing process another go.

 

 The air seeps through me

 

Previously underdeveloped lungs

A premature baby

Wrapped up and on the mend

 

Take all those words and wrap them up neatly

For one day, may you give birth

Things you never though possible

The perfection is no matter

Just as long as you push it out

 

Author's Note

Still may need a bit of additions and revision.

Reviews

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Congratulations for winning the short-poem contest!

[Snuggles McClintock]

congrats on your recent award for this piece in the Best Short Poems contest.

[Collette]

This is an interesting piece. You've done a nice job layering the meanings, and there are several different angles I could see someone approaching this piece from. However, I think my main thought while reading this was the issue of rebirth and second chances. While your begining opens with the image of a premature baby breathing on its own, I took it as someone finally overcoming an obstacle.
The rest of the piece fits perfectly as well:

The perfection is no matter
Just as long as you push it out

These last lines just helped solidify my assumption that this poem is alluding to rebirth. I felt as though you were saying, it doesn't matter how you handle rough times, as long as you make it through them.

I wouldn't change a thing about this poem. It's open enough for anyone to make it their own, and yet, it still settles nicely on a personal level as well. There is a lot of hope in this poem, and trying to add or take away from it might lose the overall message.
Thanks for sharing!