I'm Not

A Poem by Amanda Avalon

There's no need for promises
Which crumble like crusts of pies
I'm not going to believe you
If love's devoid from your eyes
I'm not sleeping soundly near you
When you deprive my body
And know I yearn for touch
What appears to you as anger
Although that may be-
Is truly loss and despair, you see.
My face will turn to stone
Expressionless and monotone
Feelings begin to fade
And neither one reciprocates
"It's okay, I've been here before..."
Though I refuse to drown in childish tears
Does not mean they aren't there
(Now I just
Take extra care that no one's watching.)

I'm not going to let your lack of interest destroy me like the others
I'm not going to force it,
I'm not going to lie.

All or nothing is what I demand
Expectation isn't greed or pressure,
Only healthy change and challenge
Don't you understand?
I'm not going to settle
For anything less
I'm not trying to drain you
Of all your assets
I'm not trying to hurt you
I'm not plotting to bring you down
I'm not going to beat this into the ground
If nothing gives
And nothing gets
I can't be expected
To be the clown

I'm not a piece of trash that you throw away
I'm not going to be left for the wolves to eat me
I won't accept your pity,
Your charity
Or insincerity

I'm not going to keep your bed warm
I'm not going to be your pawn
If your love isn't true, if it isn't real
I'm not going to be around
To quell your guilt to build you up to travel with you to new towns to give you a smile
Or even a simple, "me-ow".

If your love aint' true
I will become a ghost to you
And I'm not
Going to hang around
Just to make you
Feel better.

Don't say I didn't tell you so-
I knew you would get bored with me
The day that we first met.