Mirror Loop

(Paul McCann Created Mirror Loop-Style) I have never liked to hear whiny poetry but Ironically, this is about the past history of the injustice of the African slaves which were brought here unwilling. Now the pains of today are being felt due to sins unfo

Old Cabins burning fires with

Mellow voices humming

Ebony skins glistening become

Muddy waters flowing

Unfair life leads

Unknown Destiny

Tears wrench stained blood

From Souls unaware, unfaulty and

Innocent

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Innocent and Unfaulty

Unaware Souls from blood stained

Wrench tears

Destiny unknown leads life unfair

Flowing waters muddy become

Glistening skins ebony

Humming  voices mellow

With fires burning cabins old

Author's Note

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK

Reviews

[Satine]

Nice work all around. If I could think of any advice to tweak it a little I would perhaps make mention somewhere in the piece the word "slave" or slave ship" maybe? Because I'm not sure that I would have completely understood the piece without your note. Just a thought, but well done!

My favorite lines;

"Tears wrench stained blood
From Souls unaware, unfaulty and
Innocent"


Satine

[Chad Halle]

this is nice, only thing that gets me is the lone comma...when i read it i threw some pauses in where i felt a breath should be.....lil more reader enterpratation i suppose. at first glance just seems like random words thrown togethr, but becomes something more...which is something i really like about this piece. i recommend experimenting some more similar to this style- what you've done here is quite good

[Dizzy-Izzy]

That is way cool Laura... did it take long? Was it frustrating?