The Maze

Writing Challenge for Scrivere, Escribe, Scribo

“Are you satisfied?!” The young woman screamed at the man that was watching her with insane relish. “What more do you want from me?!!” Her limbs were shaking from exhaustion, and sharp pain tore through her body with every move.     

The man laughed maniacally. “You’re almost there, my dear.” He crooned. “The end of the maze is so close. Not much further, and then I’ll be finished with you.”

The girl sobbed with despair. The walls of the maze rose up before her ominously as she reentered it. It took her hours before she finally saw the end in sight. Excitement gripped her and she sprinted for it. She passed the end, there was a single shot; and she fell.

Author's Note

I know... this is really terrible. This was supposed to be written in exactly 120 words; and sparse writing doesn't work for me. A lot of people are really good at it; but I'm a very flowery writer that is very nit-picky and detailed with her descriptions. :P

We were also supposed to write a genre that we usually don't use; so I used a tragic ending, since all of my stories tend to have a happy one.

Tell me what you think; please be brutally honest. XP

Reviews

[JadeForever]

to be honest, i like it but i think that maybe you could of formed a little more of a plot and explain a tiny bit more.

[Carefulx]

Woah. xD I agree with the other reviews! This is amazing for just 120 words (but you probably know that by now :P) and...it just had to end there? -_- I wanted to read more... T-T
Any-who, I still liked it! I'm off to read your other stories =D

-Allison

[Summer'sBreeze]

Oh wow this is amazing for just 120 words.
Though I agree with Sumayya I prefer your usual writing better, but still this held my attention from the very first word and was very visual.
Great write!

[The XYZ Writer]

I guess it could be a little better. In one way or the other. (sorry, being brutally honest can hurt :(

However, I think you did good for 120 words. Trust me I cannot do that. I'm a very long story writer. :P But I like your usual writing better. :)

[Wren]

Very dramatic and really good for 120 words. A very different style to your usual stories. It is interesting but personally I prefer your lovely detailed writing but this is great for 120 words.

[Summer D.]

Extremely sinister. This was a great write for just one hundred and twenty words- I'm still trying to think of a piece myself. The ending was blunt yet so well scripted. The dialogue was a little bit misleading- There were pieces were I thought it was alluding to something else. Not necessarily sick in nature but something that you wouldn't first think of at first glance.

That was truly fantastic Allen.
Always a pleasure reading your works.

(Oh dear. Does that mean I have to write a happy piece? Such a torment to my soul.)

YT,

Summer

*100*

[Jasmine Thousand]

I know...this is really spectacular. O.O SERIOUSLY it's amazing...and in only 120 words too! :D My only problem is the word died at the end. Kind of flinched at that. Replace it with a smoother word perhaps? :)

~Jasmine Thousand~

[Archia]

In such a short space, the last line does tend to make a lot of difference. And this last line was brilliant. It was totally unexpected, such a surprise and it had its impact. I loved the use of dialogue and how it said just what it needed to say and didn't ramble on (and waste words). This was a really good short piece, even if you don't think it is.