This came about in French class today. One of my friends was upset, but she wouldn't tell me what was wrong. She said it was "Nothing" and that she was "Fine", even though I could see and hear her crying. I hate hearing people cry; it makes me feel so bad because a lot of the times I can't make them feel better.
This was yet another spur-of-the-moment poem, so it's not as great as I would like it to be, but here it is; completely raw and un-edited.
My Review
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Wow! Your poems are brilliant. They have the capacity to make the readers feel the emotions you are talking about. I could feel the sadness and the hopelessness. Great write!
I think the very thing that makes this poem so beautiful is its sadness. I hate when others drag you down into their own misery by not allowing you to help.
Spur-of-the-moment poems are usually pretty bad, but you did a good job here. It's a good modern poem. It doesn't have much originality, besides the style, but the emotion is there. The idea for the poem is good. It tells a story, and I love poems that do that. I would try condensing the ideas though. After a while a poem can begin to sound like rambling if it is stretched out too long.
You might want to change the category from "chapter" to "poem" by the way.
A very gloomy write indeed, and it is quite saddening to be on either side of the story. This explains perfectly how you can harm others when you are injured yourself. Beautiful piece.
Though, if I do say so myself, you could have worked a little and rephrased some lines a bit in the beginning. It didn't flow as well there, but after you got more in-depth with the poem, your flow improved.
This is a really good write. Keep up the amazing work!
Beautifully written, one can tell how much you truely care and wanted to be there for your friend. Many people have had both sides of this experience and you have catured it next to perfectly.
It's beautiful, and I can relate to both sides. Sometimes, you know, when the hurt is so bad, there's just nothing to say, no way to describe it, the words won't come and if they did it would demean the emotion. Some of us have also had our emotional reactions criticized and ridiculed enough times that we no longer confide in anyone. But your effort won't go unappreciated, you can be sure.
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