Dancing to Heaven

The old man sat alone

His hair as white as bone

His frame was stricken with age

His life’s story on its final page

 

His hand hung empty and limp by his side

“Oh Elinor!” He cried

“Why did you have to leave me, so long ago?

Oh, how your death hurts me so.”

 

“I miss you when I go to sleep

I miss you when I have appointments to keep

I miss you my darling, my one bright star

I miss you, no matter where you are”

 

He wiped his eyes with well-worn hands

Dreaming of other times and other lands

The radio began to play an old song

And his face suddenly turned into a smile so long

 

He stood up on old creaky knees

Despite all of his nurses decrees

He bowed low

His face all aglow

 

He held up his hands in the correct place

And began to dance alone, with ease and grace

This song was his and his wife’s

Their favorite, throughout their lives

 

As he danced to the sweet melody

His wife came to him as a memory

Her beautiful face laughed as they danced

And she hummed as they pranced

 

Her husband pulled her close

Her hair, as always, smelled like a rose.

“Come home, my love” She whispered in his ear

“Come home with me, my dear.”

 

Pure joy filled the man’s soul

This life had taken its toll

Now, it was time for a new start

To dance eternally with the woman of his heart

 

He gave up the ghost

To live with his eternal host

His only son wept with his own family of seven

But yet, they knew in their hearts that the old man danced straight to heaven.

Author's Note

I'm still trying to figure out exactly where I got the idea for this one; but I think its cute. :)

I really am not the greatest poet; sure, I can rhyme, but I just can't seem to keep the meter consistent. Sorry if it bothers you; if you have certain points on how I can improve on that, I would greatly appreciate it. :)

Let me know what you think of the story as a whole. Does it make sense? Does it go too fast? I love to hear everyone's different opinions!

Enjoy!

Reviews

[SwagMaster]

Awwww......so sweet, and so sad.

[Summer'sBreeze]

A. L. Allen that was so sweet and sad. I had tears in my eyes, whether from joy or sadness it was perfect all the same.
I wish i could write like that.

[Boldpen]

Lovely write... Very beautiful. The Evergreen Love showed in this piece made me cry. Truly enchanting.
I don't know about errors.. no good at spotting them.. but I really loved the spirit of the write. Great Job!

[Tai Ryens]

Wonderful concept. Interesting story. I have one problem though. You jump topics so fast when you go from one stanza to another, like the 5th and 6th stanza's. The ending of the 5th didn't really encourage the first line of the 6th, and it kind of ruined the flow. Despite that, keep up the hard work. You'll learn to avoid these errors altogether as you advance your pen talents.

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

I definitely enjoyed this. For one it is about "true" love forever until the end. For two it is based on going to everyone's real home"Heaven". I think you did a fantastic job. Don't let anyone else tell you wrong :)

Your friend,Ashley Rivers-Dream BIG and you'll win BIG;)