Chapter One - The Inauguration
A Chapter by ~Aurorah Borealis~
A boy was born in the Kingdom of Sandretch. A red-headed boy with blue eyes and pale freckles all over his face and body. He was born as expected and raised alone. His mother dying when he was only thirteen. At this time the King and Queen of Miranxia had sent a letter to have dinner with them at their palace in the neighboring kingdom.
The King arrived smiling.
"King Adam, Queen Elizabeth. Nice to see you are doing well. This must be the daughter that you talked about so much. Princess Eden." He took the young girl's hand and kissed the top of it.
"King Samuel. I see you brought the wonderful son you continue to talk about as well. He is a handsome boy. He takes well after his mother." King Adam smiled at King Samuel before they both looked to Queen who now spoke up.
"I am very sorry for what happened to your wife Samuel. If you ever need anything please contact us." King Samuel gave a sad smile to the Queen.
"Thank you so much. Shall we start with dinner? My son and I were on a very long ride and we are quite famished." The King spoke with a gentle smile, he would rather not dwell on his wife's death. William was told this every time he cried about his mother.
"Of course. Right, this way." King Adam smiled and he began to lead the small little group to the dining hall. William looked up at his father who was also a red-head like himself. His eyes were brown unlike his. His skin was tan and freckles. King Adam is a blonde man with pale skin and blue eyes, his hair was well done and we wore black and red. His wife Queen Elizabeth was a dirty blonde with green eyes, her skin was sunkissed as if she spent her time outside a lot. She wore a wonderful red dress just like her husband while their daughter, Princess Eden, was wearing working clothes. She wore clothing as if she was a gardener and not a princess.
William despised it when women dressed like they were men. They had no place to wear pants. His father had said so himself and he would criticize women when they didn't wear dresses like they were meant to. He took after his father when it came to his ideology.
The group of royals would find themselves in the dining room. William sat close to his father, but close to the Princess. He looked to her scoffing and rolling his eyes. The adults spoke about utter nonsense.
"Did you need something?" Eden spoke. Her voice shrill and quite annoying compared to the other girls he had met.
"You are wearing boy's clothing. Girls should wear dresses and heals." William seemed to hiss at her.
"And when did my body become your problem?" The girl hissed back before she began with her soup.
He was angry now. He wasn't going to stand for this. His face turned red boiling with rage at how she spoke to him as if she was in charge. Like she was a boy.
"You weren't born a boy. Boys wear boy clothing. Girls wear girl clothing!" William shouted and the table of three adults turned their heads towards William.
"Your son is telling my daughter what to wear now?" King Adam spoke eyeing King Samuel who sat there staring at his son who he would punish later for the little outburst at dinner.
"Well, she shouldn't be wearing boy's clothing. It just isn't natural." Samuel's voice was snooty. His red hair starting to turn frizzy now that the gel was going away. Miranxia was much too humid for his taste. William heard his father say this on the ride over.
"She can wear what she wishes." The Queen spoke up her voice was low and timid as if she was going to be hit.
"Put your woman in her place, Adam," Samuel spoke loudly of his opinions about women. He enjoyed power and control over these fragile beings. That was something that William overheard his father so to many other noblemen who had the same ideology.
"Did you just tell me...keep your son in line? He should not be telling my daughter what to wear. You should also keep yourself in line saying that to me about my wife. Calling her woman as if she is some w***e off the street." Adam stood throwing his material napkin down at the table. "I think it is best you leave and never come back." Angry piercing blue eyes glared at the King and his son. William stared at his father wondering what he was meant to do. King Samuel stood up quickly looking to his son who followed suit. They briskly walked out in anger to the carriage that they had come in.
This would be the birth of an interminable feud.
© 2020 ~Aurorah Borealis~
Featured Review
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Since you’re tossing your writing “kind of everywhere,” to see the reaction, there are a few critical things getting in the way that I thought you’d want to know about—especially as it isn’t a matter of your talent, commitment, or how well you write.
The biggie is that like pretty much all hopeful writers, you suffer from what I call, The Great Misunderstanding: Because we spend so much time working on the skill we call writing through our school years, we make the reasonable assumption that writing-is-writing, and that the word “writing” that’s part of the profession we call, Fiction-Writing, points to that skill. But does it? Aren’t all professions acquired IN ADDITION to the set of general skills we’re given in school?
Think about it. Did one single teacher spend even a minute on the three issues we need to address quickly on entering any scene, so as to give the reader context for what’s said and done? If not, you won’t do that, and your readers will lack the context that you have when you read your own words. And that is a guarantee of failure.
In fact, was any time spent on what a scene is on the page, and why it’s so different from one on stage or screen? If not—if you don't truly know what a scene is, and does, how can you write one?
Think of the number of stories you were asked to write in school, as against the number of reports and essays. That will tell you how prepared you were to write fiction when you left your school years. In fact, we all leave our school years exactly as prepared to write a novel as to successfully remove an appendix. Luckily for our friends we realize that medicine requires more than attending health class.
The goal of the reports and essays we spent so much time perfecting is to inform the reader. It’s author-centric and fact-based, as is all nonfiction writing. A dispassionate narrator reports and explains, exactly as you do here. So, nonfiction makes the reader know what happened. EWxacrtly the right thing, if your goal in reading is an informational experience.
But…fiction makes the reader live those events in real-time, AS the protagonist. They seek an emotional experience. As E. L. Doctorow put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
No way in hell can our nonfiction skills do that. Only the emotion-based and character-centric skills of the Fiction-Writing profession can achieve that.
You won’t see that when you read the story, because you cheat. Before you read the first line, you know the story, the backstory of every character, and, your intent for how the words are to be taken by the reader. And when you read, the narrator’s vice—your voice—is filled with exactly the right emotion. Have your computer read the story to you, to hear how different what the reader gets is from what you do. It’s a powerful editing tool you should be using now.
Look at the opening paragraph, not as the author, but as a reader—specifically, a first-reader or acquiring editor would:
- - - - -
• A boy was born in the Kingdom of Sandretch.
When you read this it refers to a specific person in a place you know. As you read it you know who he is, and why he matters. To a reader? A boy they know nothing about, was born to unknown woman of unknown status, in an unknown place at an unknown time. Was she married? Dunno. Rich or poor? You don’t say. So literally, the line tells the reader nothing meaningful. And given that there is no second first-impression, and we can’t retroactively remove confusion, the line accomplishes nothing so far as setting the scene, developing character, or meaningfully moving the plot. And any line that doesn't do one of thise three needs to be chopped because it serves only to slow the narrative.
• A red-headed boy with blue eyes and pale freckles all over his face and body.
Forgetting that it's what we call a sentence fragment, who cares? An unknown and unnamed woman birthed a boy with red hair and freckles. That’s detail, not story. Any line for which the reader does not have context, as-they-read-it, is meaningless to the reader, and a reason to close the cover.
• He was born as expected and raised alone.
He was born as expected? Isn’t it expected that every child is born? In the words of, James Schmitz, “Don’t inflict the reader with irrelevant background material—get on with the story.”
- - - - -
For you, who already know the story, every line points to images, action, and more, waiting to be called up, in your mind.
For the reader, though, every line points to images, action, and more, waiting to be called up, in *YOUR* mind. But you're not there. And since it's impractical for you to always be there, that need what you need to fix by always supplying context.
How? The answer is simple: Add the tricks the pros take for granted to the nonfiction writing skills you’re now using. Remember, from the day you learned to read, you’ve been choosing fiction written with those skills. And, you’ll know in a paragraph if a story you pick up wasn’t written with them. More to the point, your readers will know, which is the best reason I know of to spend some time on acquiring your professional fiction-writing skills.
There are many ways to do that. Obviously, one is a degree in commercial fiction-writing. Unfortunately, that takes four years. Another way is the plethora of books on writing in the local library’s fiction-writing section. There are also conferences, workshops, retreats, and more, but devouring a few good books on the subject is a great place to begin. And with that, I can help. The best book on the nuts-and-bolts issues of creating scenes that sing to the reader and linking them into an exciting whole—the book that gave me my first sale to a publisher—is available free at the link just below.
https://ru.b-ok2.org/book/2640776/e749ea
So grab a copy before they change their mind. And for a bit of an overview of the differences in approach between fiction and nonfiction, you might dig through a few of the articles in my WordPress blog. Many were written for one of my publisher’s newletters to hopeful authors.
But whatever you do, hang in there, and keep on writing.
Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Posted 3 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
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3 Years Ago
My goodness, thank you for the feedback. My reading has really not been great so this took me a few .. read moreMy goodness, thank you for the feedback. My reading has really not been great so this took me a few times to really read. The points you made were right. I need to start writing as if I am going to be the reader. Really, thank you for the review. The criticism is super helpful. I am still learning.
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Reviews
|
|
Since you’re tossing your writing “kind of everywhere,” to see the reaction, there are a few critical things getting in the way that I thought you’d want to know about—especially as it isn’t a matter of your talent, commitment, or how well you write.
The biggie is that like pretty much all hopeful writers, you suffer from what I call, The Great Misunderstanding: Because we spend so much time working on the skill we call writing through our school years, we make the reasonable assumption that writing-is-writing, and that the word “writing” that’s part of the profession we call, Fiction-Writing, points to that skill. But does it? Aren’t all professions acquired IN ADDITION to the set of general skills we’re given in school?
Think about it. Did one single teacher spend even a minute on the three issues we need to address quickly on entering any scene, so as to give the reader context for what’s said and done? If not, you won’t do that, and your readers will lack the context that you have when you read your own words. And that is a guarantee of failure.
In fact, was any time spent on what a scene is on the page, and why it’s so different from one on stage or screen? If not—if you don't truly know what a scene is, and does, how can you write one?
Think of the number of stories you were asked to write in school, as against the number of reports and essays. That will tell you how prepared you were to write fiction when you left your school years. In fact, we all leave our school years exactly as prepared to write a novel as to successfully remove an appendix. Luckily for our friends we realize that medicine requires more than attending health class.
The goal of the reports and essays we spent so much time perfecting is to inform the reader. It’s author-centric and fact-based, as is all nonfiction writing. A dispassionate narrator reports and explains, exactly as you do here. So, nonfiction makes the reader know what happened. EWxacrtly the right thing, if your goal in reading is an informational experience.
But…fiction makes the reader live those events in real-time, AS the protagonist. They seek an emotional experience. As E. L. Doctorow put it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
No way in hell can our nonfiction skills do that. Only the emotion-based and character-centric skills of the Fiction-Writing profession can achieve that.
You won’t see that when you read the story, because you cheat. Before you read the first line, you know the story, the backstory of every character, and, your intent for how the words are to be taken by the reader. And when you read, the narrator’s vice—your voice—is filled with exactly the right emotion. Have your computer read the story to you, to hear how different what the reader gets is from what you do. It’s a powerful editing tool you should be using now.
Look at the opening paragraph, not as the author, but as a reader—specifically, a first-reader or acquiring editor would:
- - - - -
• A boy was born in the Kingdom of Sandretch.
When you read this it refers to a specific person in a place you know. As you read it you know who he is, and why he matters. To a reader? A boy they know nothing about, was born to unknown woman of unknown status, in an unknown place at an unknown time. Was she married? Dunno. Rich or poor? You don’t say. So literally, the line tells the reader nothing meaningful. And given that there is no second first-impression, and we can’t retroactively remove confusion, the line accomplishes nothing so far as setting the scene, developing character, or meaningfully moving the plot. And any line that doesn't do one of thise three needs to be chopped because it serves only to slow the narrative.
• A red-headed boy with blue eyes and pale freckles all over his face and body.
Forgetting that it's what we call a sentence fragment, who cares? An unknown and unnamed woman birthed a boy with red hair and freckles. That’s detail, not story. Any line for which the reader does not have context, as-they-read-it, is meaningless to the reader, and a reason to close the cover.
• He was born as expected and raised alone.
He was born as expected? Isn’t it expected that every child is born? In the words of, James Schmitz, “Don’t inflict the reader with irrelevant background material—get on with the story.”
- - - - -
For you, who already know the story, every line points to images, action, and more, waiting to be called up, in your mind.
For the reader, though, every line points to images, action, and more, waiting to be called up, in *YOUR* mind. But you're not there. And since it's impractical for you to always be there, that need what you need to fix by always supplying context.
How? The answer is simple: Add the tricks the pros take for granted to the nonfiction writing skills you’re now using. Remember, from the day you learned to read, you’ve been choosing fiction written with those skills. And, you’ll know in a paragraph if a story you pick up wasn’t written with them. More to the point, your readers will know, which is the best reason I know of to spend some time on acquiring your professional fiction-writing skills.
There are many ways to do that. Obviously, one is a degree in commercial fiction-writing. Unfortunately, that takes four years. Another way is the plethora of books on writing in the local library’s fiction-writing section. There are also conferences, workshops, retreats, and more, but devouring a few good books on the subject is a great place to begin. And with that, I can help. The best book on the nuts-and-bolts issues of creating scenes that sing to the reader and linking them into an exciting whole—the book that gave me my first sale to a publisher—is available free at the link just below.
https://ru.b-ok2.org/book/2640776/e749ea
So grab a copy before they change their mind. And for a bit of an overview of the differences in approach between fiction and nonfiction, you might dig through a few of the articles in my WordPress blog. Many were written for one of my publisher’s newletters to hopeful authors.
But whatever you do, hang in there, and keep on writing.
Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Posted 3 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
|
|
3 Years Ago
My goodness, thank you for the feedback. My reading has really not been great so this took me a few .. read moreMy goodness, thank you for the feedback. My reading has really not been great so this took me a few times to really read. The points you made were right. I need to start writing as if I am going to be the reader. Really, thank you for the review. The criticism is super helpful. I am still learning.
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Author
~Aurorah Borealis~Hackreng
About
I am a high school student. I have never been great at writing sentences that aren't run-ons, fragments, or completely grammatically incorrect.
I write romance, murder, mystery, and short stories... more..
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