Last walk in the rain

here's a the poem on rain with a pain of separation

I still remember that heavy rain

In which I got wet for the last time

When we last walked together in pain

I can't forget that last walk with you in rain

 The rain water was gradually getting saline

By our tears falling from the agony in vain

It was  our last walk together

You were holding my hand 

We were silent in that dark painful weather

I was hoping for the sun to come and 

Stop the rain to remove the darkness in the weather

But the rays of hopeful sun couldn't touch the wet muddy sand

We both were getting wet along with our eyes

In those cold and dreadful droplets of rain

The rain was so heavy that it hide our cry

And suddenly we arrived the station and 

I could see that separating train

You left the station  saying me the last goodbye

And I was left alone getting wet in that dry rain

I was realizing it with a deep sigh

That I ended up my last walk in the rain!!

Reviews

[Emily]

I'd say the poem does need work around the edges, with the grammar and the overall flow. It is also a little redundant with the same phrase used a few times or more without much variation

That said, this is a heartwrenching piece. It makes me wonder why it was the last walk in the rain, and what it was that separated them. Any poem who leaves me wondering about more to the story is considered a good poem in my eyes because you've gotten me hooked and made me think. The emotions are really there and with a little work the flow could be just as well done.

Wonderful start!

[mnisha]

beautiful poem... very heartfelt :)

[Voice11]

wow. This is very heart wrenching. I can feel every emotion of loss in here. I think it could be smoother but even now it does not take away from the emotion. Touching write.

[harman kour]

touching write... N great feelings bt i feel d rhymin cud hav been better... there's too much "rain" at the nd of almost each line... mayb u cud try othr words 2 mak it more impresssive... but i liked d story behind it... :)

[deeps]

This is a very well written write here.
I like this. Flows wonderful as well.
Like the rhyme scheme.