What She Didnt Realize

She was the type to give it all.

&& maybe all she gave was enough

But she never seemed to realize all he

Wanted wasn’t tough, He liked the way her hair

Shinned underneath the sunlight, He liked the way

Her eyes glowed underneath the moonlight

He liked the way she scrunched her nose

When he told her he couldn’t live without her,

It was always the little things that kept him,

&& she just gave too much, she didn’t realize she

Could keep him even without the name brand

Clothes without the $100 dinners, without

Showing off every second of the day, she forgot what it

Meant to be in love and became obsessed she forgot

What it meant to look into his eyes and see everything

 She needed to know, She forgot he loved her and soon

After he forgot too…

 

Reviews

[justjenn_2u]

Seems to me that is she would have just been herself, he would have loved her more for being herself. She didn't have to impress, just simply be who she is. This poem gives a great perspective to readers to always be yourself or you could wind up with less. Simplicity, simple enough.

[Fra/c/ture]

shinned = shined
and became obsessed (some sort of punctuation for a stop) she forgot
soon and after shoudl be together so it reads more like soonafter as one word

i think these line breaks are pretty rad though. im not usre how you decided to break the lines where you did, but i hope you remember because its really nice.

[Fra/c/ture]

the double && are a little scary. other than that i think its pretty tight. maybe you could play with a few endings of lines. in general, with poetry shorter lines are easier to read, even if there are more of them.

its onll worth playing around with if you want to.

[justink :):)]

wow i realy like it it was very good and the way you worded it it was good



justintime

aka justin