what if we were in love

two girls form a bond that is unbreakable, even as they get further apart and one attempts to write her thoughts down as a gift to the other; to help her understand what their love has always been

1965 - i saw your tears just once you know

Embroidered in my mind, is an image of you that is so perfectly broken but soft that I can't forget it. You found me in the garden, reading on the little white bench next to the rose bushes, and you joined me in a broke stupor.

You said nothing, just watched as I shifted through the pages of that silly little book, the book that you helped me throw into the sea when we visited France that one time. You know, I felt you fingers brush my thigh as you curled a ringlet round your finger and look up to the unforgiving sky.

I don't think I ever told you about that, but it made my stomach churn and I would have pulled away if I hadn't loved you. That moment, peaceful as it could have been, was interrupted by unstoppable tears; tears that I have never seen from you before. They caught me off guard, and I watched them stain your hands for longer than I want to admit, it was strangely beautiful.

Do you remember how I embraced you? I held your dainty face to my chest, my trembling hand ran through your dark hair as you wept, and I thought of many horrible things which we could do to your mother. I know I should have done more as I saw how much your mascara had smudged, but it felt magical and I enjoyed how grim it all really was.

I remember how you sniffled, how you laughed, apologising for everything, for your love, for our lust, but I couldn't tell you what you said, not exactly. The kiss with which I stole your voice was so much sweeter than anything you could have told me then.

I somehow knew you had terrible news, the moment your footsteps came into my garden, then were rushed, concerned and burning to get to me. That kiss, you see, was my escape. That night, those sins, they were all I could dream of. Pulling on your dark locks, holding your body so close to mine, it felt so right that any bad news seemed impossible. With you, I felt complete even if we were being ignorant. 

We were two girls in love, laughing over poems and sniffing rosebuds. We let our love be free even when we knew it couldn't last, even when I knew you were only here for the Summer.

When September came, I felt alive again. My heart felt raw, blistered and so alone, the pain a reminder that I had to live so I could see you again. I knew that you had school, that our letters would be rare and few and far, far too short; and yet I gave each letter an invisible kiss to last you through the day.

I'd run my fingers over every letter that you wrote, a sign of admiration, of dedication to what we had and what we would have again. You were coming back for Christmas, or so you assured me, a picture of a christmas tree attached with your letter.

I pinned it to my door, your know, I'd sit on the floor and watch it as if Christmas would come sooner if I did so. But it didn't, each thought of holding you felt so harsh; as though a punishment for letting you leave.

I know you had to leave of course, there wasn't another option, but I never stopped wishing that you'd change your mind and stay with me, with our love.

Author's Note

please ignore gramma, this is is a very rough story so i can dream for a little bilt