i want you to disappear

being in pain feels like your veins are burning up with a fever sometimes and yet the temperature won't turn off; so you feel sickly and weak but you keep carrying the weight of the world anyway

i really want to scream

to fill a room with all my fears, my hopes,

so that one small rock can fall of the mountain that

keeps growing on my shoulder blades

even though they are weak,

everyone knows that they are weak and yet they,

though they love me, or so they say,

they place small stones

huge boulders-

they pile them on and on until they barely fit,

until my shoulders ache

and my back cracks beneath the weight

they know the screaming, violent, absurd,

they know that it will worsen my pain

and so, unbothered-

they let me scream, the corners on the stones

shredding the skin on my back,

causing ripples, waves of agony, of defeat

but -the screams continue as i still suffer the weight

that they keep placing on me

on top of everything else,

i can no longer struggle the pain.

the excruciating pain of all of it-

it makes my mind bleed.

Author's Note

what do you think of this one, it's quite personal