Chapter One

Introducing the main character, Lilith, a somewhat insane teenager with a powerful, even evil, mind.

~epigraph~

["The mind is a powerful force.

It can enslave us or empower us.

It can plunge us into the depths of misery or take us to the heights of ecstasy.

Learn to use the power wisely."]

-David Cuschieri

THERE'S SOMETHING BREWING in the deepest recesses of my mind.

Something thrumming with a thousand watts of electricity. Something that slices through diamond and obliterates entire cities with a simple flick of a finger. Something that can kill a man at one dainty touch. Something wicked-- something diabolical.

It's whirling inside like a broken carnival ride, a perpetual mixing pot; it's humming like a million conglomerated bees and a billion flapping butterflies; it's churning, bubbling hotly and fighting to fracture my slender frame.

My head is an entire different organism with a pulse of its own, ready to tear through stomach lining at any given breath.

Escape, Lilith, it hisses. Make them pay.

I imagine bones snapping and blood pooling. Hollow screams in dark hallways and crimson red staining immaculate, white hospital robes.

No, my thoughts jeer. I can't.

I will the grotesque images to disperse, clenching my already closed eyes into tightly creased slits.

I think of my mother's face. Heartshaped and delicate. Dark lashes framing harsh, jaded eyes. Mauve lips and soft smiles.

I think of my younger sister. Innocent and bashful. Golden hair and eyes made of quiet sapphire and crystal waters. An angel with clipped wings.

I think of the three of us together, laughing and dancing merrily around the kitchen island in our quaint, little house by the lapping sea like it used to be. We're carefree and insouciant, a happy, little lie to console my mind.

Slowly, the humming in my ears wanes, almost silent enough to ignore. My fingers rub smoothly against my temples, telling myself, no, I will not, I cannot. Shakily, I release a breath and peel open my eyes with one haughty exhalation.

Pupils dilating slightly at a miniscule source of light, dust accumulates about a single bulb hung limply from the ceiling. Invisible energy wills it to softly swing like a pendulum, and the light boring out of it is so dim, it seems like it has been lit for a century without ever being turned off. I take my eyes off it for a moment to stare at the sleek, metal door that's pushed to the far wall. It's heavily bolted shut, dangling chains tightly locked and secured, assuring them that I will never escape.

"Don't even try to get out of here," a guard with daggers for eyes had murmured vehemently into my ear the first day I was brought here, the gas mask he was concealed in making his voice synthetic and surreal. "It's absolutely pointless."

Chained hands and shackled feet gave off the facade of a hopeless, teenage girl. Yet, in that moment, my mind was telling me to split his skull in half, tear his limbs off, and hear his terrified, glass-shattering shriek. With a simple flex of a finger, he would have been nothing but a soulless carcass.

I had hushed those sinister thoughts, however.

Harshly, he urged me into my cell, and I let him. Oh, I let them.

He was oblivious to the destruction that was my mind, unaware to the chaos that my tiny hands could wreck. They all seemed to be.

That door, the very one I was staring at now, was only a brief blockade to my freedom. By a simple mind trick, I could be released and nothing, nobody, would stop me.

But I allowed the guard's threats, and I allowed him to chain me up. I allowed them to imprison me and keep me here like an animal trapped in a cage. Refraining from the tempting thoughts of death, I refused to escape. I belonged here just as much as the next person.

I may be suffering silently in this small cell, but it was my consequence. I deserved it, and I deserve it all.

Author's Note

So here's the first chapter! Keep in mind, this is a rough draft, and I am a newbie here, so there are probably some mistakes I've missed. I can understand that the first chapter is confusing to readers. Is that off-putting to readers or does it want to make them want to read more?

All reviews of all types are welcome. Thanks!

Reviews

[Bear]

Critique: (Something that slices through diamond) a diamond - The noun phrase "diamond" is missing a determiner before it.
(My head is an entire different organism) entirely - the adjective "entire" is attempting to modify the adjective "different" replacing it with the adverb "entirely"
(Heartshaped and delicate) Heart-shaped - The word "Heartshaped" doesn’t fit this context
(unaware to the chaos) of the chaos

Review: Your introduction to Lilith is engaging, it peaks the interest enough that it make one want to know her fate. even with the little info you divulged on Lilith. It does every thing you want a first chapter to do, Bravo! I give it five out of five Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[August]

Thank you so much for the critiques I missed! I'll be sure to fix them later.

Also, thank you so much for he review as well! I'm glad you like the first chapter. I was worried it was too vague and would be off-putting. You sufficed some of my worries! Thank you!

[Bear]

if you can get by without giving to much info it lets you build a character over a number of chapters which adds more plot lines without really trying.

[August]

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind!

If you don't mind me asking, what are your theories on what's going on from what you've read thus far?