Intruder Alert

If they'd told me I'd fall for you
I'd have offered them the number
To the local psych ward -
After a sufficient Google search
To ensure they received
The proper care they'd need.
If they'd said to me,
"One day you'll look up,
And realize he's the one."
I'd have raised an eyebrow,
Pulled a thermometer from
Some poor unfortunate souls a*s
And checked them for a fever.
If they'd look from me to you
And smirked like they knew something
That I didn't,
I'd have grabbed the largest sharpie
I could find in the vicinity,
And draw a penis
Directly in the center of their forehead
While they were sleeping.
If they'd told me,
"I know you don't believe in it,
But you'll come to love him."
I'd have -
Well. To be completely honest,
I'd have probably laughed in their faces,
And said something none too pleasant.
Probably would have received glares
From nearby parents.
If they'd warned me,
I wouldn't have listened.
Would have denied it
All the way to the local horse races,
Where I would have bid on the underdog,
That had never won a race -
Just to prove to myself,
That things that can't happen,
Won't happen.
But knowing my luck,
If I'd done that,
That damn horse would've won.
Sadly, if they'd said anything,
Things would end up exactly as they did.
Only the Google search
Isn't for them.
It'd be for me.
I'm still convinced this whole thing,
Where I'm feeling something
Specifically a thing for you,
Is a symptom of mental disorder.
And I'm the one with the fever.
But if I go to the doctor,
It'd just be a freaking case
Of loving you.
And that bill would just be
Another heaping disappointment
On this cake of misguided love.
I'd still draw a penis on someone's face.
But I don't have a key to your place.
You'd better be happy buster,
Because I draw a great dick.
And you'd never get rid of it.
If they'd told me that I'd love you,
I wouldn't have listened,
But at least I wouldn't have been
Blindsided when it happened.