city crows

City Crows

they called from tree to tree

across the busy city street

since I don’t do crow-speak

cannot say what the shout

was all about

they  loud- talked all at once

was a rule broken. something wrong

was anyone listening 

to the argument

maybe they were in a debate

on how to regulate entitlement

 within the system in the park

 it sounded a lot like question period

I wondered what was won or lost

in any case they flew away

unruled by any calls for transparency

audrey murray  Oct 2015

Reviews

[Jennifer-Ann]

This is my favourite out of your poems. When I was reading each line it was so easy to build up a picture of what was going on and found it really easy to relate to. Being new to poetry I wouldn't feel in a position to offer constructive criticism, but reading this definitely sets off the imagination

[Audrey Murray]

thank you Relic for the compliment I appreciate it very much

[Relic]

This is a great poem. You're really good.

[koga]

Well written and imaginative, an excellent read.

[Audrey Murray]

thank you I appreciate your feedback

[kmartell]

Yes, I agree with Jennifer as well. This too is my favorite of yours.

[Audrey Murray]

thanks I had fun writing it I appreciate the feedback

[kmartell]

Very subtle movement. Your "thinky" parts and your metaphor-images part balance nicely.

[Philip Muls]

Wonderful and funny. A debate amongst crows, leaving you 'to wonder what was won and lost'. Love it.

I'd appreciate your feedback on my writing.

[Audrey Murray]

thanks Chase as for punctuation I tend to do very little thinking that the reader will put in their own interpretation in this case the crows were in a real dither about something so I think the lack of punctuation and tidying up the rhymning would lessen the chaos my thoughts anyways whether it works or not is a bit beyond my skill level LOL

[Chase]

I like the cadence you have going in this piece. I have one very much like it where the birds are chirping. This piece would be greatky enhanced by additional punctuation to tell you when every sentence ends. And the very last word of the poem would be better suited to rhyme with away, if you were looking for it to fit with the preceding rhythms, and so maybe just add "today" at the very end of the last line. It would tie everything together. Keep posting!

[Audrey Murray]

thank you jennifer-Ann I have only lately been writing more poetry I have been writing some of my stories from my childhood and it feels good to look around me now and write about what I see and hear

[Audrey Murray]

thank you I appreciate your feedback