Hypocrite

Hypocrite-

Why don't you  ENJOY my kink anymore?

is it because we married

why do you hate me!

for what you begged for before

when you wished I was yours alone

Reviews

[JayG]

Dear Dismal Damsel:

Your letter to your ex-husband was deeply touching, but it somehow got lost in the mail and was delivered to our writing group, instead. Unfortunately, since we know neither you nor him, reading of how you remember the way things were, and how thoughtless he was to you induces no emotion in our hearts, other than perhaps, "Aww... poor baby." and I doubt that was your goal.

Someone unknown venting at someone not introduced is a rant, not a poem. So instead of talking TO the reader, about events meaningless to them, give them reason to care, not just know how you feel. Decide if you're seeking understanding or sympathy and focus on that. Make the reader feel what you do, in the way you do, not just know that you do. That's the goal of poetry.

Sad but true. People read poetry, and fiction, as a form of entertainment. They seek an emotionally moving experience, not the Beetlejuice's letter from Lydia: "I am alone.
 I am utterly… alone. You have sealed my fate with your betrayal." People want drama, not melodrama. And the customer is always right.

[audacicity]

Haha...best critique ever