Elemental Exposure

A Poem by audacious

Fire & Ice,

A sought after splice,

Of two souls merging to one.

But fire is fright,

Ice; a sore sight,

Their surroundings they submerge,

In their selfish ways,

Each their own say,

Of how demise is sought.

Try to flee,

But they will see

And burn(freeze) you without thought.

Fire & Ice

and everything (not)nice

As they devour the other in flames(frost).

Search for embers,

Search for dew,

For Fire & Ice you cannot tame.

-A

© 2018 audacious

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register

Featured Review

emipoemi

I like the concept of this. The visual imagery, the ominous warnings, the ending has a good message too! The decision to rhyme lines 1 + 2 and not technically rhyme lines 3 adds a good touch. I only have two notes, if I may:

- are the words in parentheses supposed to be personal suggestions, or are they supposed to be read? For they kind of mar the musicality. In the "burn(freeze)" one, "burn" would be suitable for both fire and ice, for ice in its own weird way does burn. With the "flames(frost)" one however, I would suggest you find a different word that describes both (or paint a different image). Same goes with "(not)nice". I like the play on words you're doing, it's just not fitting nicely into the musicality that you've created.

- The last line is not meaning what you want it to mean. "Tame" is a transitive verb, so it has to act on things. You tame an animal (or in this case an element), but that animal (or element) will or will not BE tamed. So my suggestion here is that you tweak the line so that it goes something like this: "for fire and ice won't be tamed"; or this: "For fire and ice are not tame" (using the adjective which means "not dangerous")

Your call, I'm simply pointing out details that should be looked at. This is overall fantastic, and I much enjoyed it! Well done!