The Swarm.

just my perspective.

why do i do this to myself?
i look in the mirror and see the ugliest thing ever.
i hate who i am.
some days,
i just lay in my bed and cry.
thinking no one cares about me.
i always want to change myself.
i act like everything is okay.
but inside,
im broken.
im a mess.
secrets fill my brain.
thoughts swarm my mind.
why am i like this?
"words cant bring me down."
yet,
thats the only thing they do.
guys have hurt me.
girls have ruined me.
sometimes,
i dont want to live because of it.
that feeling of despair never goes away.
but im stronger than i used to be.
ive been hit.
and slapped.
there was this one guy that changed all that.
'nough said to say that,
its over between me and him.
so those feelings are wanting to come back.
i am hated for saving a life.
im hated for doing something i didnt do.
sometimes,
i think im insane.
i stare off into space.
wondering,
if anyone sees though my act.
and knows how i really feel.
i wish they would hear my cry for help.
but no one ever does.
one person did.
but thats history.
i will just come right out,
and say it,
i have sat in my bedroom floor.
knife in one hand.
cell phone in the other.
tears running down my face.
i was scared.
i was worried.
i was alone.
am i still alone?
or is there someone out there.
going though the same thing i am.
im different.
i know that.
but am i insane?
or am i me?
am i alone?
i see beauty in everyone but myself.
and i just dont know why.
people inspire me.
but i still dont feel like i belong.
im ignorant in the truth about me.