I just had to say it

I had to say these words to myself. I had to see them before me to know that they were true.

Exhaustion plagues my body worse than it has ever in the past. This thing that renders all ability to live is pulling me bellow and suffocating me slowly. Denial is something I’d never thought I could feel but it’s not denial of the end coming quicker but the denial of becoming weaker. I live this life everyday denying that I’m going to have to change for it. I believed that it was simply a sentence not a progression. I’ve denied the fact that it’s changing who I am and I must cater to its abusiveness. I refuse to look weak and broken so I tell no one of this demon I fight inside. Instead of weak I’m seen as lazy because of the little I do, the little I can do. They know nothing of this pain my body must endure and I can’t find the words to tell them. How can I tell them? I fear very little but this thought makes me shake with terror. I don’t care about the pain or the end that is inevitable, those I can handle, the eyes I cannot. The eyes of sorrow for the things I must endure the things they have no knowledge of, that is what I cannot handle. This is life for me and I’ve made peace with it. Alone under the lights of city streets I try to cry but no tears will come because it’s not sadness I feel but anger for all that is wrong. I didn’t hope for this I hoped for an answer to the pain. Every day I push through it and come out more broken than before. Everything is temporary and eventually it will end because the tragedies of life are inevitable.