And More

Y0u took my kindness for granted

And spilled my heart on the floor

I forgave you once, 

Twice

Three times

And more. 

You are charming on the outside

Chuckles that capture the soul 

Within seconds we were friends

You became in control.

You acted like nothing happened

Hooked me in with your lies

The truth unveiled 

Where I saw your disguise.

Your veil turned black,

You did me wrong

And yet you say, "What did I do?"

You still strang me along. 

I slashed your manipulator soul 

From my life and heart

You did no wrong through your eyes

And because of you, our friendship fell apart. 

-Sometimes people don't deserve this many chances. 

Author's Note

I am not sure where to go with this. Any help, suggestions, and or thoughts would be appreciated!

Reviews

[Alexandra]

I love the theme and message. I think that as you move forward with this piece, that you should maybe have a bit more detail.

[emipoemi]

I like the theme, and the message. The musicality is a bit iffy towards the end, but I quite enjoyed it. You could definitely consider expanding this, for such a theme requires at least a bit more to do it justice. Fiddle around with it, you can definitely make a more precious gem out of this. You simply need to feel, and allow those feelings to guide you. Then you'll know where to go with this. Great start!

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you for your honest feedback and for reading. I am not sure how I would expand. Any ideas?

[emipoemi]

No ideas come to mind for now. But you'll find a way on your own if you just sit back and feel the spirit of the poem flow through you. It will guide you. If you control the poetic process, you end up with subpar work. Don't control! Don't think! Just feel. You will find an answer eventually.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Okay, noted. Thank you for the advice!

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.

[emipoemi]

Muuuuuuch Muuuuuuch better!! I would only suggest tweaks in two places:

- "I forgave YOU once
Twice
Three times (better to put "times" up here)
And more."

-"AND because of you our friendship fell apart" (not "it was"....too awkward sounding in that musicality).

But otherwise, much better. Well done!

[Amanda Trerotola]

You’re incredible! Thank you so much for the help.

[emipoemi]

always a pleasure.

[AizenJ]

Well this one I can relate to. Ironically, as a guy I was the one who gave chances, uncountable chances. Funny right? haha Don't know where yours apply though or this is true to life. But I'll tell you this; you gave him/her/it more than enough chances to redeem one's self and I think that's beautiful and you have a very big heart for doing so. This is a very deep writing (and I like it), your emotions are there and you expressed it well. But in any case, what he/she/it did is not suitable for you and it's not worth it to just keep giving chances. You deserve better and statistically, you deserve more than what you have put in. For me, Let go and Keep your head up! ^_^

[Amanda Trerotola]

I appreciate everything you said. Thank you for reading!