lemon sweet sour

suck me up, lemon sweet

sour in your mouth, licking salt

off the rim of the glass, beat poetry

double manhattan, bitter taste beats

brooklyn in the rain, waiting for the train

slipping on tile running to the station

i swiped my card but you jumped the turnstile

to keep up with your reputation

two parts whiskey, two blocks away from 

your place, in your arms heavenly

crack my jaw like a nut, cashew
oh, you infect me, bless you!

Author's Note

i am not really a fan of this one, but it kinda made me laugh so i figured i'd post it

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

I like the couplet layout and the beat in this poem. I found it fun. Also enjoyed the imagery and the subject matter. Something different. Well done.

Chris

[nadia dmitri]

I love the rhythm of this, it reminds me of a nursery rhyme almost. I love the separation of connected ideas, it is a very cool format to chose. Great job :)

[Patricia]

I love it, nice rhythm to it, good rhymes love the subject and imagery. pretty cool to me.

[W. Barrett Munn]

This reminds me of beat poetry and I like it.
As critique, I wonder if you might do away with sour in your mouth. For some reason, that seemed our of synch to me.

Winston

[jaye river]

thank you for the feedback, i definitely have to mess around with it a bit more

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Why not...it is like Beat poetry with a sense of humor.
Something Ferlinghetti or ginsberg would come up with if you gave each a splash of Robert Creeley.
I especially like "brooklyn in the rain" long ago I was "Bronx in the rain."
j.

[jaye river]

i've been reading a bit of ginsberg again recently, maybe it was subconscious inspiration. his personality really comes through in all he writes hahah