faking it

over ten years ago, still,

the emptiness you left in me feels so heavy

and when i cry, i look in the mirror to 

try to catch myself faking it, 

i watch myself cry to make sure it’s real,

wet cheeks and red eyes

something sits in my rib cage, antimatter,

i’ll take a crowbar and pry it out of me,

removing you like surgery

i’ll shove it in a mason jar, 

look at it under a lamp,

trying to make sense of your part of the deal,
i watch myself cry to make sure it’s real,

i watch myself cry to make sure i mean it

i thought i loved it, even when i knew

something wasn’t right, because

when you put your hands over my eyes

i could still see slivers of light,

and i hope you think of me 

when you can’t sleep at night

i study what you did to me like a test,

recall everything like a book, no roman à clef,
but even when you win, you lose,

i take my chances and i know the end,
metallic red the blood i draw,

i lay my cards flat and i eat men raw

Reviews

[W. Barrett Munn]

Very well written and just the right amount of snark.

Winston

[jaye river]

thank you, i appreciate it!

[In Em's Wonderland]

A favorite line of mine in this piece would have to be: "trying to make sense of your part of the deal," simply because it reminded me of Romeo & Juliet. I love the powerful imagery and thought you happened to put into this to make it turn out as it did. I loved it!

[jaye river]

thank you so much!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Plath once wrote "I eat men like air" as she always showed so much strength in her poetry but in real life played the subservient role, taking care of Ted and the Kids, helping him with his books...
not much in return...and she put things in her own Bell Jar.
And i see an allusion to her poem "Mirror" in the first stanza here.
I wonder if Ted thought of her when he couldn't sleep at night.
I am really enjoying reading you, jaye,
There is such depth and humanness to your work.
j.

[jaye river]

lady lazarus, and plath in general, heavily inspired me with this one. i'm glad it shows. thank you for your kind words, i really appreciate it. this is my first time sharing my work with others, so it's very helpful as well. i'm glad to hear you're enjoying my work.