faking it

over ten years ago, still,

the emptiness you left in me feels so heavy

and when i cry, i look in the mirror to 

try to catch myself faking it, 

i watch myself cry to make sure it’s real,

wet cheeks and red eyes

something sits in my rib cage, antimatter,

i’ll take a crowbar and pry it out of me,

removing you like surgery

i’ll shove it in a mason jar, 

look at it under a lamp,

trying to make sense of your part of the deal,
i watch myself cry to make sure it’s real,

i watch myself cry to make sure i mean it

i thought i loved it, even when i knew

something wasn’t right, because

when you put your hands over my eyes

i could still see slivers of light,

and i hope you think of me 

when you can’t sleep at night

i study what you did to me like a test,

recall everything like a book, no roman à clef,
but even when you win, you lose,

i take my chances and i know the end,
metallic red the blood i draw,

i lay my cards flat and i eat men raw

Reviews

[Tom]

So difficult to be alone after many years in a loving relationship that somehow soured and the rather inevitable outcome of parting ways was taken, yep, the void left behind emits sound echos on a depressingly near hourly basis...

' something sits in my rib cage, antimatter,

i’ll take a crowbar and pry it out of me,

removing you like surgery '

[nadia dmitri]

Wow I love this oh my gosh, I have felt this but never been able to put it into such eloquent words. This is so so good and such a vivid description, amazing job :)

[jaye river]

thank you so much nadia! i'm glad you enjoyed, not so glad you can relate

[John the Baptist]

Some hurts cause pain, others, hatred. This one covers both options. The speaker is addressing a former lover/spouse who took French leave on the relationship. Ten years have passed, but the pain and rage have not abated. She fantasizes prying the memory of the other out of her with a crowbar, hopes he can't sleep at night because of his guilt. She even has knife fantasies, but thankfully doesn't go into them. I might recommend concealed carry to the object of her wrath.

[Chris Shaw]

Strong contrasting emotions in this piece. Dark in its content and raw with it.

I eat men raw - powerful

Chris

[jaye river]

thank you for reading, chris!

[FGFRANKLIN]

Well, hopefully this had some therapeutic value as a much needed cathartic. It was part victim, part venom and part conquering heroine. The Phoenix rises from the ash and man is she pissed sort of thing. It was a good read. F.

[Patricia]

this is dramatic and raw and i love getting that feel when I read a poem, it is dark and dark poems are my favorite, they are a very real part of being human and writing is the most positive way to give it light.

[jaye river]

thank you for your review Patricia, im glad you enjoyed!

[NormaZ]

I love the tender and the violent in this poem, the love and the rage. Very powerful.

[jaye river]

thank you for your kind words always norma!

[Arundass TP]

Beautiful poem. Enjoyed reading 🙂

[Mauricio Montoya]

as sad as this may be its real we never want to say what we feel because somethings are better left unsaid if years have passed the pain is the same, what is true if not you conflicting what you hold inside is pride.never let go that make you. thank you for Sharing you thoughts.

[emmajoygreen]

Dramatic and raw, pain and despair, defiance and a long, long memory! Have read poems about the wretchedness of love in certain quarters - especially to a fragile heart but rather think this is as near to hell as a person could feel. A heart that's been broken and is pouring with the bloodiest words.' i hope you think of me when you can’t sleep at night'

[jaye river]

thank you for your review emma, dramatic and raw is definitely what i tend to go for haha

[emmajoygreen]

Hopefully - who knows, Autumn will take you into a calmer frame of mind! :)