avalanche remixed

i planned on sending postcards

from places i’ve never been

to people who don’t know me anymore,

do you ever open the drawer

of a nightstand in a hotel

to check if the Bible is still there?

sometimes i wash clothes that i never get to wear.

i let you give all your pain to me, i keep it safe for you still.

do you ever pull away from a kiss and feel as though

you left something behind?

sometimes i consider myself as lonely as the sea,

then realize there are ships sinking.

do you ever watch someone fall apart without even blinking?

when i picked you up from that motel, i could see the pain in your eyes before you turned your back to me.

do you ever think of me when i’m not right there?

sometimes i’m surprised by the words that come out of

my mouth.

have you ever thought you’ve done something perfectly,

then you realize you were wrong?

sometimes i start watching films

with endings i never get to see.

that night in the parking lot, i thought i still stood a chance.

have you ever thought you would only do it once,

but then you got addicted?

sometimes i walk so far,

only to get passing glances from people in their cars.

i starved my body with you and we cut off our hair

do you ever let something happen, just to see it unfold?

i’ve met people who will never grow old.

do you sometimes wish it hurt more than

you were expecting it to?

sometimes i wish i’d see my plans through.

do you ever go to a church,

and the parking lot is empty?

sometimes i pray for everyone else but me,

sometimes i start a book with endings i never get to read.

i opened the door and i let you inside, i don’t want them to feel bad for me, i let you do what you did.

do you ever miss your father,

when he doesn’t call you back?

some people just love differently,

sometimes i wish he would forget the things i lack.

do you ever think of someone,

and even though you haven’t spoken in years,

a simple smell or sound brings you to tears?

sometimes when you touch me,

i become so small.

hold my hand or break my fingers, at least i will know you’re there.

do you ever think about how the pain

forces you to learn?

sometimes i wash myself so much,

my skin starts to burn.

Reviews

[nadia dmitri]

Wow this is so good, a collage of thoughts and actions, such a poetic yet raw piece. I love "do you ever let something happen, just to see it unfold" is amazing oh my gosh

[jaye river]

thank you nadia! i am still unsure about how i feel about this one. i wrote it a while ago so i just see it as something an angsty teen wrote ahahaha. but im glad you liked it