i'll wear black

when you bleed your wounds out and your skin goes cold,

i still can’t help but lay you down and kiss your eyelids closed.

i’ll wear black, i’ll wear black and a cross around my neck,

they nailed your wrists and whipped your back.

and when you hurt me, i just try to understand,  

i let your blood sink into my pillowcase and stain my hands.

Author's Note

this poem is meant to be a mix of genuine love and concern, as well being self-aware/mocking the person they're talking to and their self. i am wondering if i was successful at making it come across that way. the narrator is describing their time coddling and dealing with a narcissist. the narrator knows they just want the narrators attention, but the narrator cant help but give in to it each time even though the joke is on them at the end of the day.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

reading before and after i read you note made a difference for me.... pre i was impacted in a way not clear to me .. after .. i think it was this line that throws me a curve "they nailed your wrists and whipped your back." ... it inspires questions as to why he was persecuted .. who hurt him so violently and why .. it seems a little detached from you narrator ... otherwise i would have taken your poem to be about a relationship that was unbalanced in favor of the deceased and she feels vindicated and victorious over her (abuse?) with his death .. i am captivated by your poem .. it is emotive and thought provoking for me.
E.

[jaye river]

thank you for the insight! that particular line you mentioned is the aspect of the narrator "mocking" the subject while doting on them simultaneously. the narrator is doting on the subject by giving in to their attention seeking, but by comparing the subject's suffering to jesus, it's in a self-aware way, since that type of comparison is just absurd and silly.

but as a "woe is me" narcissist, thats what the subject wants to hear, they dont even realize theyre being mocked.

in reality, the persecution the subject faced was simply the people in their life standing up for themselves and not wanting to put up with narcissistic abuse. but since the subject cant accept they're in the wrong, they interpret it as being "persecuted" or hated by those people.

they just crave the attention and validation, even though they're the one inflicting pain on others. and the narrator gives in to that.

the subject's "death" is more of a way to illustrate how dramatic they are, making a show of themselves to get pity, even if theyre the one who was hurting the narrator/others in their life with their narcissistic behavior.

even though the narrator is aware of what the subject is doing, they cant help but give in because they still love the subject after all. "i still can’t help but lay you down and kiss your eyelids closed." but at the end of the day, even if the narrator is aware, it doesnt change the fact that the joke is on them. the narrator needs to deal with the blood on the pillow case (keeping the subject involved in their life) and the stain on their hands (the consequences of that)

i'm not sure if that makes sense hahaha. i like to leave it open ended, but that was my personal intention when writing it. since you were interested, i thought you might want my thoughts behind it :)

[Einstein Noodle]

you have hidden a whole lot in the lines dear jaye river! ... my favored "voice" is abstract; and, easily, I relate to the depth you express. when I first started expressing myself in creative writing, I took some of my "stuff" to my mother in law, a writer, poet, artist .. and she said that being abstract has it's place but "E", if no one knows what you (me) are talking about .. what is the value? from your response, i take it you know a good deal about the destructive power of a "narcissist" ... in my life i am familiar with two ... one directly by my older daughter and her "witch" mother in law .. and the other a dear friend and her daughter in law called "#2" :)))))))) i applaud you taking on the subject .. i think it needs a good revealing in all social walks of life. .. the pain "the witch" causes in her life is worth the revealing .. thank you for you poem and even more your reveal .. i am inspired to write about it .. on me daughter's behalf .. love and joy
E.